No matter how wonderful you are sometimes other people will try
to take advantage of your good nature. They will push you, get
you to do more than your fair share and keep asking you to do
even more.
And worst of all -- often your efforts will be taken for granted.
Unless you can say No, the situation will not change in fact it
may get even more difficult.
That is unless you can say No to these unreasonable people
because very often to win respect from people you have to
sometimes say No.
Here are 4 great ways to stand up for yourself and say No:
1 Soften the No
Instead of shouting No at the person and creating an
uncomfortable encounter you can instead soften the No by
postponing your help.
For example --
- No, I am busy right now but I can help you in 40 minutes time
- No, I have other things to do at the moment
- Right now I do not have a free moment maybe later on
- I would love to help but not at this minute, try John
What you are doing is softening the No by saying not now rather
than an outright No. This is a lot easier to do especially when
dealing with people who intimidate you.
2 Negotiate
To deal with people who want your help but are slow to help you
-- negotiate! When they want something from you, you have the
power - use it!
Say you are happy to help on one condition -- that they help you
immediately when you seek their help. They will usually agree
because they have to! If they say No, again as above, postpone
helping them if you can.
There are some people who view the world in terms of what is in
it for them and the concerns of others are of secondary
importance. With these people you are wasting your time talking
about your needs.
For that reason you have to link your needs to their gains by
negotiating - tell them they will get what they want IF you get
what you want.
3 Say No When You Do Not Care About the Outcome
When you are flexing this new found ability to say No for the
first time use every opportunity to get some practice e.g.
- In a restaurant, say no to the first table you are offered
- at home say No to coffee when everyone else says Yes, have tea
- In a store say yes to an offer of help but No to the product
What I mean is to say No when you are dealing with people whose
approval is not that important to you. You will quickly learn
through experience that it is not the end of the world if you
say no and the other person is not pleased with you.
4 Say No to the Big Request and Yes to a Smaller One
Sometimes you are going to be asked to do more than your fair
share. If you cannot avoid the job you may need to consider
doing part of it.
A good way to handle these requests is to offer to do part
of the job but not all of it. For example:
- I will clean 2 rooms if you do the other 3 rooms
- I can do 5 pages of the report as long as you give me the data
- If you start the project I will finish it
By standing up for yourself on small points you will gradually
assert yourself more often on the big issues. The main thing is
to get started today on winning back control of your interactions
with anyone who pushes you too far.
Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because
it is available for a limited time only at:
http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm
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