Friday, November 19, 2004

Free report - solve all your people problems

Ever wonder what to do about your people problems?

Today I have something special for you - a new report
on how to say goodbye to your people problems forever.

Want to know the essential 4 steps to solving all of
your people problems?

Click here now to read this special new report:


Peter Murphy

P.S. If the report does not open automatically on your computer it means
you need Adobe Acrobat. Get it fr*e here:

Thursday, November 18, 2004

How To Improve Your Social Skills

If you are looking for a way to improve your social skills,
there are many resources available that will assist you in
refining your social skills and improving the way you
communicate with others. It's not only possible to learn
how to improve your social skills; it's easier than you

Imagine how much simpler your life would be if you could
rid yourself of nagging self-doubt and have confidence
knowing you can handle any social situation.

Have you ever wondered how some people seem to excel at
socializing? Learning how to improve your social skills
will give you the ability to know what to say in any
situation and be the type of person others love to be

You can develop the skills needed to start a conversation
with anyone you encounter, deal effectively with awkward
situations, accept rejection gracefully, and win the
approval and appreciation of all that you encounter.

You will be able to read the body language of others,
effectively solve problems, and develop the ability to
diffuse sensitive situations with seemingly little effort.

In the process of learning how to improve your social
skills, your self-esteem will soar and your confidence will
reach an all-time high. Here are some tips:

1. Awareness of your own interaction with other people is
the first step in improving your social skills.

Learn to identify which types of situations make you
uncomfortable and then modify your behavior to achieve
positive results is a critical step in improving your
social skills.

You can learn to become aware of behaviors in other people
that prompt you to respond in negative ways and modify your
own behavior to turn the situation into a positive

2. You must accept responsibility for your own behavior and
do not fear apologizing for errors in judgment or
insensitive actions.

Asking others for honest feedback about the way you
interact with others can be very helpful. Accept the
negative feedback along with the positive and make changes

3. Your non-verbal communication is equally as important as
the things that you say. Positive body language is
extremely important in your interactions with other people.

If your words and your actions do not match, you will have
a difficult time succeeding in social situations.

4. In order to learn how to improve your social skills, you
must become and great listener. You must fight the urge to
respond immediately and really listen to what the other
person is trying to communicate.

Offering suggestions or criticism before you are certain of
the other person's intent can only lead to frustration for
both parties.

5. Improving your social skills is a process and cannot be
accomplished overnight. Trying to improve or change too
many things at once will be counter-productive.

You will become discouraged and overwhelmed if you attempt
to change your entire personality all at once. Choose one
or two traits at a time and work on those over a period of
time. Learn to take advantage of your personal strengths
and make a positive impact on others.

6. Maximize your positive personality traits and use them
in your interactions with others. Good communication and
great listening skills are the most important tools you can
use in improving your social skills.

You can learn how to improve your social skills by
developing excellent listening skills, learning to resolve
problems and conflicts, understanding body language, and
accepting responsibility for your own negative behavior.

Determination and self-awareness will make your desire to
improve your social skills a reality.

Now, go to my site for more help to improve your social skills:

Saturday, November 13, 2004

The Real Secret To Mastering People Skills

Want to know how to master people skills? It is easier
than you think once you learn a proven way to improve
your people skills.

If you are serious about developing great people skills
- read on...

When you decide to develop greater self-confidence, to
improve your communication skills and to enhance your
ability to connect with people. You need to master one
crucial life skill.

Without this essential skill you will never excel in your
dealings with people. You will never express yourself in a
way that moves people and you will never make a big first
impression when you meet new people.

You must learn how to be flexible in your approach.

Flexibility or the ability to adapt to different people is
essential if you are to communicate effectively. In many
ways it is like driving a car - you must constantly adapt
to your environment and make ongoing, slight adjustments to
how you drive the conversation.

If you fail to do this you will end up using the same
approach with everyone you meet and consequently your
ability to create and maintain rapport will be a random

If and only if the other person is responsive to your
approach will you be able to make great conversation.

In other words you are not in control. And this creates
feelings of shyness, nervousness and anxiety. You feel
stressed for a reason - you have no control over your
interactions with others.

Only when you master the art of being flexible with people
will be in control. You will then feel a sense of
relaxation and confidence based on your proven competence.

What can you do to develop flexibility?

You need to condition new ways of behaving. The traditional
way to do this is to act out the new behaviors until they
become automatic.

For example when talking to a loud talker you would shout
back even if you feel awkward about speaking up in public.
Or with someone who tends to be say very little you might
dominate the conversation and do most of the talking even
if listening to the sound of your own voice makes you feel

Although this approach can work it is slow, difficult and
embarassing until you start exhibiting real progress.

There is a far better way.

It is the approach I used to go from feeling shy and
nervous in social situations to feeling confident and in

The answer?

Use peak performance techniques to quickly and easily
condition new ways of dealing with people. This is the
only way I recommend if you are serious about developing
the flexibility you need to master people skills.

You can transform your people skills when you take two
important actions.

1. Eliminate the limiting negative feelings that hold you
back. Until you do this you will never make any real
progress even if you read a ton of books on how to talk to

Why? Because your fears of saying the wrong thing, of
looking stupid and of getting stuck for words will over
ride your best intentions. You will stay stuck in a rut
even if what you are currently doing does not work.

2. Reprogram your mind to allow you to perform at your very

When you use powerful techniques for conditioning new and
better ways of dealing with people - it gets easier and
easier to develop flexibility with people.

I have now told you what you need to focus on to transform
your communication skills for the rest of your life.

It could take you many frustrating years of trial and error
to figure out the specific techniques that will work best
for you.

Or you can use my step-by-step system and start getting
great results today.

Now would be a great time for you to address points 1 and 2
above by getting out your copy of my system...

To eliminate the negative feelings that hold you back -
review the three strategies in the Conversation Fear report.

To be at your best with a variety of people - use lesson 1
on page 5 of my book and use that strategy to ensure you
are at your best with different types of people.

And if you really want to guarantee your success use the
Instant Confidence technique in lesson 5 on page 27.

Have Fun,

Peter Murphy

Peter Murphy is the Author of the proven
system for transforming shyness into
self-confidence. Develop great conversation
skills and master small talk when you
reserve a 365 day test drive at:

Friday, November 05, 2004

How to overcome the fear of rejection

This new article deals with the fear of rejection and how
to change how you think so that rejection no longer bothers

How To Reframe Rejection
by Peter Murphy

Fear of rejection is one of the greatest fears shared by all
human beings. Nobody wants to feel left out, unwanted or

And at the same time what we really want is to be loved and
accepted by everyone - that would be bliss. It will never
happen though because we all have biases, opinions and
beliefs that color the way we look at the world.

People will reject us no matter how good we look, no matter
how successful we are, and no matter how giving we are. If
we were to become even nicer, and even more spiritually
aware they would still reject us so it is a pointless
battle trying to win over everyone.

However we can change how we think about rejection. If we
change the meaning of rejection it can become our ally
instead of our enemy.

Next time someone rejects you why not take it as feedback
instead. That is, your approach did not work and you need
to try a new approach. In sales, the salesperson must view
rejection as feedback or else she will slowly go insane!

So let us view rejection as feedback. When you are rejected
immediately set your mind the task of intelligently
answering this question - how must I change my approach to
get what I want?

By doing this, you shift your attention back to what you
can do and off the other person whose approval is theirs to
give or not to give.

Let us take the example of asking someone to help you with a
project at work, you are afraid to ask for help so when you
do, your co-worker can almost smell this fear of rejection
coming from you.

He says No, he is far to busy to help you today. Now
immediately ask yourself the feedback reframe question -
how must I change my approach to get what I want?

Asking this question will give you an unlimited range of new
approaches to use: maybe smile more, or bribe him with a
soft drink, or perhaps offer to do some of his boring work
in return for help.

It also helps to anticipate rejection before it has a
chance to happen. In the case of the example above, before
talking to the colleague I would spend a few minutes in
preparation. I would run through possible ways he might
reject me. For each possible situation, just keep asking
yourself - how must I change my approach to get what I want?

You may not realize, most people just give up too easily
because rejection feels so unpleasant. If you reframe
rejection to mean feedback it becomes a mental puzzle to
solve instead.

You will then be able to endure the word *No* a lot longer.
This endurance will also encourage others to let you have
what you want because you just do not seem to take No for
an answer!


Maintain rapport at all times when you use this
approach, this new found courage and tenacity is only
appreciated by others if you use it with a win-win outlook.

Have Fun,

Peter Murphy

Author of the proven step-by-step system for
transforming shyness into self-confidence.
Develop great conversation skills and
master small talk when you reserve a 365
day test drive at:

P.S. Now would be a great time to review the Conversation
Fear report, the bonus report that comes with my book, and
use one or all of the techniques to overcome the fears that
stop you being at your best with others.

Get it here:

Go to my site now and finally take control of your fear of rejection.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

4 Common Mistakes That Damage Your Relationships

Summary: The four major mistakes people make when
communicating that can negatively impact their
relationships. And practical solutions to these problems.

4 Common Mistakes That Damage Your Relationships
by Peter Murphy

Do you know the four mistakes most people make when making
conversation? These common errors that can damage your

1 Pretending You Are Interested When You Are Not

Do yourself a favor and be honest with yourself and the
people you spend time with. If you are really not
interested in the topic of conversation then say so.

If possible, change the subject or simply postpone that
particular conversation until another time.

Obviously if there is a danger of offending the other
person you will have to be less direct. In these situations
it helps to find out right away what the other person wants
or expects from you.


The conversation will right away become very relevant to
you and maintaining interest is a lot easier.

2 Disliking The Other Person

If you do not like something about the person you are
talking to it will come across at some level. Ask yourself
-- what could I like about this person? This will help put
you in a better frame of mind.

And look for things you have in common by asking yourself -
how is this person like me?

We all have something in common and commonality builds
rapport. Look for it and you will find it.

If you mechanically attempt to get rapport with people while
secretly disliking them you will never get that deep
rapport you are aiming for.

In fact if your focus is on how much you dislike the person
you will not even want rapport and instead you will be
setting yourself up for conflict.

3 Wanting Rapport With Everyone You Meet

I made this mistake when I first learned advanced
communication skills.

All of a sudden, for the first time, I was able to get
rapport with anyone I met. So I did.

And I recommend you do the same to a point. With one
exception. There are some people you do not want to be
getting deep rapport with.

Take someone who is like a raging bull with a deep
resentment and hate for themselves and other people. Do you
really want to feel the same way? If you get deep rapport
you will feel some of the same feelings.

While you may need to be effective around such people keep
your focus on your real goal. Deal effectively with the
individual and maintain your own emotional state regardless
of how upset the other person is.

Pay attention to your emotional state when dealing with
negative people, manipulative people and others who will
drain your energy. With these people rely more on the
weakest element of rapport - words. And manage your body
language without following their lead.

4 Not Speaking Their Language

We all have one primary sense whether it be visual,
auditory or feelings based that dominates our perception of
the world.

You need to get good at spotting which modality other
people use and match their world to get rapport quickly and

If someone is in a visual mode their words will be
dominated by words that express what they see. For example
the car is red with a white soft top and a huge back seat.

Whereas the auditory person describes the car in a
different way: it sounds like a lion roaring when you start
the engine and the CD player fills the car with deep, rich
sounds that dance around your ears.

Finally the person most attuned to their feelings notices
the smooth soft sensation of the leather seats and the warm
firm feeling when they hold the steering wheel.

If you use the wrong modality for the person you are
talking to it makes it harder for him to understand you.
You have to work harder to get rapport.

And when you speak to several people at once make sure you
use visual, auditory and feeling words to make sure you
appeal to everyone.

Make a point of paying attention to the dominant modality
your friends and family use. And you may have a
breakthrough when you finally discover why you are not
getting deep rapport with some of them while more easily
getting along with other people.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. This report reveals
the secret strategies all high achievers use to
communicate with charm and impact. Apply now because
it is available for a limited time only at: