Thursday, December 16, 2004

Pay Attention! You May Learn Some New People Skills

Pay Attention! You May Learn Some New People Skills
by Peter Murphy

Are you a "people person?" If not, you should be, and now's the time to learn some people skills to help you endear yourself to others by listening carefully, watching body language and then conveying your own thoughts in a thoughtful and respectful manner.

You have a right to expect that certain feelings (such as love) should be evident in human behavior. Sadly, that's not always the case, as some people (maybe you?) have difficulty in expressing their true feelings to another. If you've determined that your relationship with another person is worth developing because of otherwise good rapport, it is time to learn some people skills. It's never too soon to begin learning people skills to attract and keep people in your life. Learn to quit arguing and begin communicating instead; you'll find that good people skills can make a difference in your personal, social and work environment. Armed with good people skills, you can learn to negotiate on some issues and compromise on others to the satisfaction of everyone concerned.

Sometimes what goes unsaid can relay as much of an impact of what is said. When you stay silent on issues that really matter to you (such as a spouse who does nothing to help around the house even though you both work) you may think you're being a good partner, but the downside of keeping silent is that depression, anger and disillusionment may set in to further complicate matters. Research has shown that men are sometimes more reluctant than women to keep their feelings and thoughts bottled up inside.

For some men, keeping silent is a form of control over another person. By not saying anything at all the other person must guess at what the partner is thinking. For other men, silence is not a strategy but a shortcoming because they do not have good people skills. Historically, women were brought up to protect, nurture and put other's needs before their own. Thus, they protect their mate from their negative feelings by remaining silent. Even when silence is theoretically used in a good way (i.e., to protect another), depression may be a likely result.

You must have good people skills to encourage trust and respect for and from others. A lack of trust can come from your own insecure feelings or from bad behavior by another person. Your expectations of others may be out of sync with reality. Bad vibes from a previous relationship may dampen trust in another person. Regardless of the reasons for mistrust, your words and actions will be affected in a negative manner until you learn the necessary people skills that foster good relationships.

Developing your people skills may require a lot of work and dedication, depending on the extent of help you need. One of the most important parts of being a "people person" is to be a positive thinker who is optimistic, motivated and projects a positive image and attitude. You should work every day to send out positive and creative signals to others by your words, actions and body language. The way you act can have either a negative or positive impact on others as well as yourself.

If you want to succeed in both your personal and professional life, or further develop your people skills, it is crucial to change from a pattern of destructive, negative thoughts to positive, creative thinking.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
revealed the secret strategies all high achievers use to
communicate with charm and impact. The same techniques you
can use to overcome shyness, develop great conversation
skills and build self-confidence.

Click here now to test this simple step-by-step system:

http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com


















Listen Up and Learn How To Communicate

Listen Up and Learn How To Communicate
by Peter Murphy

If you do not know how to communicate, you're not alone. A large percentage of the world's population does not know how to communicate effectively to attract friends and interest other people. Sometimes this is not due to a lack of desire to learn how to communicate, but may be because of other influences such as genuine physical or emotional problems.

The absence of keen hearing can greatly decrease one's ability to communicate. The process of learning to speak begins when we are only a few months old, and if a child cannot hear, he or she cannot mimic the sounds it hears; thus, the child cannot learn how to communicate.

The brain is a powerful factor in learning how to communicate. The brain hears sounds that travel through the ear which are then transformed into information that becomes words. When a disorder in the hearing process is present, no sound travels through the ear and the brain cannot interpret information it does not receive. Words may be heard but they are not processed in a normal manner. If you or a loved one are affected by a hearing disorder, you should seek a professional evaluation and help.

Another reason for failure to learn how to communicate is speech impairment, which can result in no or ineffective communication skills. Stuttering is perhaps the most serious impairment, followed by difficulty in articulation, which results in sounds that are incorrect or inappropriate. There is a difference between difficulty in articulation (dysarthria) and a problem in producing language (aphasia).

Voice disorders such as quality, loudness and pitch can occur that will cause communication problems. A voice is produced when air from the lungs pushes past the vocal cords, causing them to vibrate and produce sound. The voice box (larynx) must have vibrations from the vocal cords; without it there is no speech. There are millions of people in the United States alone who have voice problems involving quality, loudness and pitch. Further, people who previously were excellent communicators lost this ability when damage occurred to their vocal equipment.

When normal speech patterns are absent, learning how to communicate via voice is difficult if not impossible, and an alternative method of communication such as sign language or writing must be used.

The development of proper speech is an ongoing process that can go on for years or a lifetime. Coordinated muscles in the neck, chest, head, and abdominal area produce speech. Many children are diagnosed with speech disorders (origins unknown) by the time they are in the first grade. There are many reasons for speech disabilities that can be traced to mental retardation or emotional, developmental, and psychiatric conditions.

As mentioned earlier, stuttering is a debilitating condition for many; there are an estimated more than 15 million stutterers in the world, which sometimes causes the person to become agitated, embarrassed or ridiculed. Persons with speech disorders can be helped in learning how to communicate; they should seek professional help.

Learning how to communicate depends largely upon the use of language. The proper use of language can convey many different moods and expressions such as explaining feelings, sharing knowledge, and expressing sadness, anger, happiness, grumpiness, elation and enthusiasm. There are many people who do not know how to communicate because of language impediments. A language disorder occurs when language usage is not developed. Physical disabilities such as brain tumors, strokes, head injuries or dementia can cause impairment of language usage. Childhood can be the beginning of language disabilities because of hearing problems, autism, etc.

Whatever the reasons for the inability to learn how to communicate, help is available on-line, with self-help books and through the use of a professional counselor, speech therapist or other specialist. If you are one of the millions who do not know how to communicate with others, you are urged to seek help.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
revealed the secret strategies all high achievers use to
communicate with charm and impact. The same techniques you
can use to overcome shyness, develop great conversation
skills and build self-confidence.

Click here now to test this simple step-by-step system:

http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com



Pay Attention To These Communications Skills Tips

Pay Attention To These Communications Skills Tips
by Peter Murphy

Are you a bore who has no or bad communication skills? Are you the silent type or is your nickname "Buttinsky?" If the shoe fits - wear it. Either way, you are lacking a vital element of your personality development. These communications skills tips are meant to show you some reasons why you have no communications skills and lead you to seek help on your own.

Interpersonal relationships are tricky and complicated, and there is sometimes a power play by one party or the other. This power is achieved by one's ability to speak clearly and get the message across to the other person. Dominance over the other person is often not the issue, and you must recognize that there is a difference between being aggressive and being assertive. Communication skills tips will help you determine whether you are aggressive or assertive.

1. If you are a verbal bully who picks on anybody you come in contact with, you're relaying a message that you are aggressive, otherwise known as a control freak. Aggressiveness is good in some instances (as in defending yourself against physical abuse), but aggressive verbal bullies are generally people who have no self-esteem who try to bolster their ego by threatening others with their manner of speech and body language. The verbal bully generally finds a good target in a shy, retiring person who is non-assertive and lacks communications skills as well.

2. On the other hand, assertiveness is a desirable characteristic, but it has to be done in the right way. Assertiveness is the art of projecting yourself as someone who is persistently positive and confident. If you allow yourself to be bullied around, you are vulnerable and do not have the ability to defend yourself. If you are too unsure of yourself to speak up and defend yourself or stand up for what is right, you need help from the many self-help books giving communication skills tips or a professional counselor who will educate you in the basic skill of self-assertion. This may involve changing some of your personal traits such as being too passive, sensitive, and insecure.

3. One of the first steps in learning communication skills is to study and practice communications skills tips that are readily available on-line and in book stores. You must have self-confidence and raise your level of self-esteem to its highest level if you want to be effective in the way you communicate with others. Once you gain self-confidence, you will automatically begin to communicate better. Small successes may lead to bigger and better successes in every aspect of your life, thereby increasing your self-confidence.

You should gain communications skills not only to get your point across, but also to learn how to develop a support group via the friendships you will form by using communication skills tips. A friend can help you through difficult social situations, personal relationships, in your job or studies, and can give you friendly advice and encouragement in the areas of your appearance, on moral and ethical issues and even give you tips on how to improve yourself so that your body language communicates your self-confidence to others.

Some very basic communication skills tips that will help you now are:

1. Offer positive input, support and suggestions to co-workers and friends.

2. Ask friendly questions to get a conversation started, but don't pry.

3. Offer support and enthusiasm to others by making positive statements.

4. Realize that sometimes no matter how hard you try, you may fail in your efforts to communicate with others - don't take it personally. Study communication skills tips to help you get on the right track. The more ways to communicate you can think of, the more successful you will be.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
revealed the secret strategies all high achievers use to
communicate with charm and impact. The same techniques you
can use to overcome shyness, develop great conversation
skills and build self-confidence.

Click here now to test this simple step-by-step system:

http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com


How To Use Self-Confidence Tips

How To Use Self-Confidence Tips
by Peter Murphy

To become proficient in projecting a confident image, you must learn how to use the self-confidence tips that have been developed by experts. You may be at the point in your life where you no longer need to think about developing your self-confidence, but for many it is an ongoing process that will continue on for many years.

If you lack self-confidence, you must face the fact that it is a necessary and desirable personality trait that is found in most successful people. Your talent for developing self-confidence has been ignored, neglected and blocked for a variety of reasons. It may have taken you years to get to the point where you recognize this shortfall in your personality, but you must also realize that you can change the situation by taking advantage of self-confidence tips.

1. If you want to become self-confident, do a bit of research on how to develop that part of your personality that is begging to come out and be recognized. It is an integral part of your very being that makes you approachable and displays your warmth and caring personality to others.

2. Just as Rome wasn't built in a day, your level of self-confidence isn't going to increase overnight; it could take years to develop into the self-assured person you want to become. You must be willing to work hard and learn how to use the proven self-confidence tips that are easily found in self-help books. In extreme cases it may take professional counseling to overcome the hindrances that keep you from developing your true personality.

3. Once you accept the fact that you need a bit of help in developing self-confidence, it becomes easier to accept the help that comes from using self-confidence tips. You are probably an individual who is not functioning at your highest level of creativity who needs a little nudge to start you off in the right direction to achieve your goals.

4. Each person must develop his or her own personalized plan of action when using self-confidence tips. You may want to be a social butterfly that longs to be the life of the party, or you may want to be known as the intellectual who is knowledgeable about any subject. Whatever your dream, you can make it happen.

5. You must open yourself to new ideas and techniques to overcome shyness and social ineptness. You must develop a high energy level and a willingness to learn. You will need to elevate your ambitions and develop an understanding of your capabilities and potential for success.

6. An aura of vitality and confidence is needed to convince others that you are self-confident. By developing skills in using self-confidence tips, you can create an air of total confidence without seeming to be arrogant. Be open to others and their ideas, and contribute something of your own to each conversation without being overbearing.

One of the inherent traits of the human personality is the ability to dream. The inner potential found in each person will contribute greatly to achieving those dreams. If you can dream it, you can make it happen. If your dream is to learn how to be self-confident, start today by researching books and articles to help you learn how to use the vast array of information on how to use self-confidence tips.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
revealed the secret strategies all high achievers use to
communicate with charm and impact. The same techniques you
can use to overcome shyness, develop great conversation
skills and build self-confidence.

Click here now to test this simple step-by-step system:

http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com




Confidence Building With Enthusiasm

Confidence Building With Enthusiasm
by Peter Murphy

You have the power to enthusiastically undertake a program of personal confidence building.

Does this statement surprise you? It shouldn't, because you were born with the power to observe, make reasonable assumptions and decisions. How you develop your power depends upon your personality as well as the environment you grew up in. As youngsters (and adults as well) you may have been told that you are stupid, dumb, no good, etc. Don't you believe it! If you are one of these unfortunate ones who grew up under such circumstances, or if you have not developed a high confidence level, now's the time to learn confidence building techniques that can change your life.

You can go from failure to success in every aspect of your life when you develop confidence building skills that may make you seem like a different person who is focused, balanced, energetic, enthusiastic and confident. It's easy when you are armed with the proper knowledge to guide you through the confidence building process.

1. Associate with people whom you admire for their self-confident attitude. The old phrase, "you are known by the company you keep" may not be just an empty phrase. By associating with confident people, your own level of confidence is sure to improve.

2. Don't give up - keep going and trying out your confidence building techniques even when it seems hopeless. Hardships and adversity are a necessary part of life that can help strengthen you and prepare you for future hard-earned successes.

3. It may seem difficult, but a warm, genuine personality is a must when building confidence. If you are a fake, others will be aware and may reject you. By the way, don't take rejection as permanent - keep practicing your confidence building skills. Remember, you've got to crawl before you can walk.

4. You must develop the power within you to be successful at confidence building. This means to accept reality that you are not self-confident at the moment, but that you desire to be so and then make it happen. Draw from your inner strength that has been there all your life and develop it into a positive personality trait.

5. Be enthusiastic and take on new challenges with a smile. If you want to become self confident you must work at it constantly. Go to that party that you'd rather skip and let others know you are there and have a lot to contribute. They will recognize you as a most desirable person to get to know better.

6. You must desperately want to improve your lot in life, and you must want to do it now. If you are tired of being alone with no friends, you should remember that you must be a friend to have a friend. Instead of hanging back and waiting for someone else to make the first move toward friendship, initiate a conversation yourself. You may find the best friend you ever had.

There are many self-help books that are available to help you with actual techniques and case scenarios that will enable you to go through the confidence building process. Keep in mind that to succeed you must want something badly enough to work hard to make it happen. Don't hesitate or give a halfhearted effort in finding a way to increase your confidence building skills. You can change your life and now is the time to start.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
revealed the secret strategies all high achievers use to
communicate with charm and impact. The same techniques you
can use to overcome shyness, develop great conversation
skills and build self-confidence.

Click here now to test this simple step-by-step system:

http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com



How To Build Self-Confidence To Improve Your Life

How To Build Self-Confidence To Improve Your Life
by Peter Murphy

One of the best personal attributes one can have is self-confidence. A positive relationship with others fosters a sense of self-worth that contributes to the image you have of yourself. Even if you are shy and retiring, you can develop the self-confidence you need to propel you from obscurity into a place of honor within your circle of acquaintances.

Self-confidence can help you develop new friends, and may even help you get that promotion you want at work. Recent research shows that supervisors value your attitude more than your actual knowledge about your job. The job can be learned, but an attitude is a personality trait that comes naturally to those who are self-confident. If you are not self-confident, there are techniques that can help you build self-confidence.

1. You have to invest time to learn how to build self-confidence. Even those who appear to be very self-confident have faced situations where they were not comfortable in groups and felt alone and rejected. Observe the actions of self-confident people and make their personality traits yours as well. You can imitate their actions and slowly learn to develop your own personality traits that lead to self-confidence.

2. Most people dread walking into a room filled with strangers, either at work, conferences or parties. It is difficult to appear to be forceful and confident, but if you practice putting on a happy face, it will soon become second nature for you to do so (and may even help you actually be happy). Attend social functions even though you'd rather stay at home reading a book. Practice your confidence-building techniques until they become part of your personality.

3. Appearances count for a lot in projecting an image of a self-confident individual. When interacting with others, don't stay glued to the wall. Mingle with others and initiate conversations in a friendly, interested manner. Even though you may be quaking with insecurities inside, if you appear self-confident it becomes easier to converse with others and will also make you more approachable.

4. When you project a self-assured image, you'll find that others respond in a positive manner to your overtures of friendship. Don't be afraid to join a group or activity that is already in progress. You have something to contribute, and others will know it.

5. We've all admired and envied the person who has the "gift of gab." They appear to effortlessly engage in conversation in any group on any subject. These people aren't necessarily born with this ability. For most people it is an acquired trait that is learned over a period of time. It is important to be in tune with others by observing their expressions, their emotions and body language to know whether they are approachable or genuinely want to be left alone. Remember, though, that even a loner will appreciate a friendly greeting.

6. Being a good conversationalist is essential when learning how to build self-confidence. Off-the-wall comments, while they do have their place perhaps during a lull in the conversation, are generally avoided. Your contributions to a conversation need to be on target with the subject being discussed. Easing into a conversation gradually after listening for a few minutes is preferable to simply butting in. Watch for an opening in the conversation to introduce yourself and make a comment or two; don't hog the conversation.

The process of building self-confidence can be a long, arduous process that takes time. Be prepared for rejection some of the time but don't take it as a personal rebuff. Keep up your self-confident image and practice what you've learned about building self-confidence. It will soon come naturally to you.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
revealed the secret strategies all high achievers use to
communicate with charm and impact. The same techniques you
can use to overcome shyness, develop great conversation
skills and build self-confidence.

Click here now to test this simple step-by-step system:

http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com


Pull Yourself Together and Learn How To Be Confident

Pull Yourself Together and Learn How To Be Confident
by Peter Murphy

It may come as a big surprise to you to know that everything is not all about you. You may be the center of your own little universe, but you are not the center of everyone else's. The world doesn't revolve around you, and the world doesn't owe you a thing.

It does no good to sulk when you do not get the admiration or the attention you crave. It does even less good to think negative thoughts about yourself and admonish yourself for "saying the wrong thing" to someone or feel that you've messed up again in your relationship with others. This type of thinking only further reinforces the fact that you have little or no self-confidence.

The harsh truth is - get over it. You are someone special. You are smart. You are interesting and appealing to others. You have a message for the world, and you need to learn to get the message out. A few suggestions here can help you project the image you want to world to see.

1. It's not always about you. Maybe the person you think slighted you has had a bad day, or heaven forbid, maybe the person just isn't nice. You can turn the situation around by asking some general, interesting questions about the person. This may bring the person out of the bad mood and who knows, you might put a little sunshine into someone else's life for a change.

2. Quit taking everything so personally. Accept the fact that some people just aren't socially adept, and they may have even less self-confidence than you do. Don't let someone else spoil your day. Don't respond to negative feelings and above all, don't let yourself be provoked. Think positive to keep your emotions in check. Negative thoughts sap your energy and serve no purpose.

3. Do you think you're the only one out there who gets rejected? Think again! There are selfish people who only think "me, me, me" to the exclusion of everyone else. Even the most successful people are rejected (singer/songwriter Rod Stewart was rejected several times because his voice was "too gravelly and coarse." He didn't give up and today is rich and famous.)

4. Don't give up. The old saying, "if at first you don't succeed, try again" holds true for the person with no self-confidence. If things don't go your way, come up with an alternate plan. If that's not accepted (remember, it not about you; it's about an idea) keep trying.

5. Stop focusing on yourself and dwelling on your perceived shortcomings all the time. Focus instead on your goals and what you have to do to achieve them. Stop talking about yourself all the time. Other people get tired of hearing about you constantly. Concentrate on a genuine conversation about other people and other topics.

With a little self-help, you can overcome your feelings of inadequacy and learn how to be confident. While you are honing your skills at becoming confident, the image you want to project is one of a person who is in command of self and someone worth knowing and sharing ideas and conversations with.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
revealed the secret strategies all high achievers use to
communicate with charm and impact. The same techniques you
can use to overcome shyness, develop great conversation
skills and build self-confidence.

Click here now to test this simple step-by-step system:

http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com



Conversation Skills - Listening Is As Important As Speaking

Conversation Skills - Listening Is As Important As Speaking
by Peter Murphy

Are you searching for ways to improve your conversation skills? While engaging in conversations with friends and co-workers, how often do you feel that the other person has truly heard what you've said? If you want to succeed in social settings, relationships, and business, one way to ensure your success is to be a great listener. The ability to speak is not nearly as difficult to learn as the ability to listen. There are a few simple rules you can follow to help you become a better listener, therefore enhancing your conversation skills.

1. Stop talking. It sounds very simplistic but if you are constantly talking, how can others express themselves? Make an effort to shift the focus of the conversation to the other person. Be aware of your own body language. Match the other person's body language by leaning forward when they lean forward, etc. Attention to small details will give the person you are speaking with a feeling that you truly hear what they are saying and that you are genuinely interested in their opinions. If you sit with your arms crossed, constantly check your watch, or stare out the window, the person with whom you are speaking will feel that you are distant and disinterested.

2. Pay attention to the tone of your voice. Even if you are only giving brief answers or asking short questions, the tone of your voice plays a major part in communicating effectively. If your tone suggests a condescending attitude, boredom, or anger, you will lose your audience and people will no longer want to spend time speaking with you or listening to what you have to say. A respectful, preferably friendly tone will allow you to communicate efficiently and earn you the respect of others.

3. In order to move the conversation forward, ask questions to clarify or invite additional information. Questions indicate that you are fully attentive to what is being said and that you have a real interest in the speaker's views. Give your full attention to the speaker. When you show others that you want to hear them, they will automatically grant you the same courtesy. Maintain eye contact and always face the speaker. You will be able to express your own views much more effectively if you have the full attention of your audience. If you give your full attention, you will certainly receive the same in return.

4. Engage in light, pleasant conversation as often as you engage in meaningful, direct conversation. If you always guide the conversation in the direction of achieving your goal, you will leave the impression of distance and a superior attitude. You will get a much more favorable response if you relate to others on a personal level as well as in a professional or authoritative manner. People want to feel appreciated and unique. Make a point to address each person you encounter and do so in a positive, friendly manner. Conversation skills include treating others as you would like to be treated.

Good conversation skills include much more than simply speaking with others. Listening, good body language, questioning, pleasantries, and mutual respect are important elements in any conversation and are also personality traits exhibited by successful people. You can improve your image and your ability to communicate if you follow these simple guidelines when communicating with others.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
revealed the secret strategies all high achievers use to
communicate with charm and impact. The same techniques you
can use to overcome shyness, develop great conversation
skills and build self-confidence.

Click here now to test this simple step-by-step system:

http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com


The Art of Conversation - Tips for Success

The Art of Conversation - Tips for Success
by Peter Murphy

The art of conversation is a skill shared by most successful people. People who always seem to rise to the top of their professions and are well respected by others who share the ability to converse with anybody in every situation. People who seem to speak effortlessly and efficiently with others are generally well liked and highly successful. If you need to improve your conversational skills, here are a few tips that can help you enhance your conversational skills and boost your image. Good conversation promotes an image of self-confidence, intelligence, and wittiness.

1. Always say what you think, not what you think others want you to say. Especially in a professional setting, learning to express your views and ideas in a positive, non-threatening manner will invite reactions and responses. Effective leaders always say what they are thinking and express their ideas freely. Having the courage to speak your mind as well as listening openly to the views and ideas of others is a sure way to earn the respect and admiration of all those you encounter.

2. Listen carefully to what others are saying. People often interpret things said by others in a way that clouds their ability to hear what people are intending to say. By giving your full attention to the speaker, you can hear what they intend for you to hear instead of what you want to hear. The art of conversation includes the ability to listen to others as well as the ability to speak effectively.

3. Always assume that a speaker is saying exactly what they mean to say. Even if it seems unclear, try to find meaning and coherence to the words they are saying and give them the respect of hearing what they want you to hear. In any conversation, the ability to give respect is just as important as receiving it. The art of conversation is a give and take between parties, not one speaker and one listener.

4. Any conversation can be broken down into three parts. The first part is small talk. Small talk is dictated by social rules and includes polite greetings, inquiries about the well-being of others, etc. Stage two is the end of the small talk and moving on to the purpose of the conversation such as business, the sharing of opinions and personal views. Without the ability to express yourself efficiently, the conversation can easily slip back into small talk, lessening the chances of accomplishing the initial goal of the conversation. The third part of a conversation is where the various ideas and views expressed can be merged into a satisfying end for all parties involved in the conversation.

The art of conversation is a learned skill that is common among successful, energetic people. If you are unable to effectively express yourself in any situation, you will likely find that you do not attract the attention and command the respect that is bestowed upon some others. People who talk freely and easily with others usually find more professional and personal fulfillment than those who are introverted and silent. If you want to improve your professional and social standing, learn to communicate efficiently and in a positive manner. You will notice a dramatic difference in the way other people perceive you if you demonstrate self-confidence and project a friendly, informed image.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
revealed the secret strategies all high achievers use to
communicate with charm and impact. The same techniques you
can use to overcome shyness, develop great conversation
skills and build self-confidence.

Click here now to test this simple step-by-step system:

http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com

Conversation Tips for Your Personal and Professional Lives

Conversation Tips for Your Personal and Professional Lives
by Peter Murphy

If you are searching for a way to improve your communication skills at work and in your personal life, here are some conversation tips that will give you a good starting point. Your personal and business environments may be very different, but the skills needed to communicate effectively are basically the same. If you are attentive, informed, and a great listener, you can start a conversation with almost anyone in any situation.

1. If you need to improve your conversational skills in the workplace, look around at those who seem to continually advance in their profession. Notice how they speak with other employees, from the CEO to the janitor. A friendly smile, a firm handshake, and a confident attitude are generally common factors among those who are quickly moving up the corporate ladder. By making a conscious effort to speak with everyone you encounter and displaying a friendly, self-assured attitude, you will project a successful image and make lasting impressions upon co-workers.

2. Your personal life is no different in that a positive outlook and friendly disposition will go a long way in improving your relationships with friends and family members. Everyone you encounter, from your spouse to the clerk at your local convenience store will appreciate and respond favorably to a kind word and a smiling face. By paying attention to the interests and activities of others, you will never lack for conversation. Ask about the other person's day, future plans, or any subject that you know is of interest to them. You can easily converse with everyone you meet if you listen carefully and make a real effort to project a positive image.

3. If you want to always have plenty to say to co-workers and your employer, keep up to date on the latest developments in your particular field. Read trade magazines, company literature, and search web sites. Having the ability to hold an intelligent conversation about your line of work will make you invaluable in your company and allow you to communicate effectively. Be discreet and professional in your conversations with other employees. No supervisor will begrudge you a few moments of small talk now and then, but constant chatting and talking across the room to others is distracting and unprofessional. Chat for a few minutes when your workload allows, but keep it quiet and courteous.

4. Courtesy, genuine interest, and a little preparation will give you an advantage in your ability to converse with others. Make a mental note of things of interest that can be used to start a conversation and give you an edge in the workplace. Current events, local politics, and the activities of others will always make good conversation starters whether at home or at the office. Conversational tips include common courtesy, a positive attitude, and a little planning. If you observe a few simple rules, your communication skills will improve dramatically.

These conversation tips should be enough to get you started down the path of successful communication. The ability to carry on a conversation with very little effort is a learned skill that comes easier to some than others. If you need to improve your conversational skills, practice these tips each day and pretty soon they will be habits that come naturally.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
revealed the secret strategies all high achievers use to
communicate with charm and impact. The same techniques you
can use to overcome shyness, develop great conversation
skills and build self-confidence.

Click here now to test this simple step-by-step system:

http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com





How to Start a Conversation Effortlessly

How to Start a Conversation Effortlessly
by Peter Murphy

If you are one of the millions who have difficulty in starting and participating in conversations, you should realize that life's successes and failures are closely related to the quality of your communication skills. The ability to converse effortlessly with those you encounter is a critical component of all your personal and business relationships. Good communication skills promote an image of self-confidence and intelligence. This is not to say that those people who find it hard to strike up a conversation are less intelligent. They simply need to develop the appropriate skills. If you need to improve upon your communication skills, here are a few tips to help you get started down the right path. You can learn how to start a conversation and converse with anybody, anytime.

1. In order to make interesting conversation, you must be interesting to others. Keeping yourself informed on current events, staying involved in activities, and keeping a mental list of good topics of discussion are excellent ways to break the ice and a great tool to help you learn how to start a conversation with almost anybody.

2. Instead of focusing on how uncomfortable you feel, prepare yourself by thinking of the issues that interest you most and what you would like to discuss about a particular subject. A little preparation will go a long way in enabling you to easily converse with others. Don't be afraid to ask questions. In general, people like to talk about themselves and will respond favorably when asked simple, friendly questions. Learning how to start a conversation is not quite as difficult if you prepare in advance.

3. Make an effort to be a good listener when starting a conversation. After you make the initial effort, listen closely to the other person's response. Often you'll find an invitation to continue the conversation if you listen carefully and respond accordingly. Balance is the key in any conversation. Alternate between talking and listening to what the other person is saying and make additional comments as appropriate. Learning how to start a conversation is really just using good manners and showing a genuine interest in others.

4. Even if you find it extremely difficult, always greet those you encounter with a smile and look them directly in the eye. It may be hard at first, but self-confidence is a learned skill and by acting confidently, you will gain new self-confidence. Soon enough you will notice that it is not as hard to maintain eye contact and carry on a conversation. Act confidently and you will eventually become confident. Developing self-confidence is an important part of learning how to start a conversation.

5. Try to remember small details about co-workers and acquaintances. Asking about a weekend plan or a relative is an excellent way to start a conversation and show genuine interest in those around you. If you are interesting, attentive, and act with confidence you will appear to be the kind of person people like to have as a friend. By practicing these new skills until they become second nature, you will increase your own self-esteem and learn how to start a conversation easily.

Learning how to start a conversation is really just a process of practicing your social skills until they become a habit. Repetition and determination are the most important factors in building your level of confidence and conversing effortlessly in any situation.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
revealed the secret strategies all high achievers use to
communicate with charm and impact. The same techniques you
can use to overcome shyness, develop great conversation
skills and build self-confidence.

Click here now to test this simple step-by-step system:

http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com





Helpful Ways To Beat Shyness

Helpful Ways To Beat Shyness
by Peter Murphy

Over half of all adults identify themselves as shy. Shyness can get in the way of developing personal relationships and professional aspirations. Some people are afraid to simply walk into a room and surround themselves with strangers. Some shy people hate eating in front of others and some hate parties or other types of social occasions. The fact is that there are many ways to beat shyness if you have the desire and the willpower.

Shyness is more common than most people realize. Shy people are not necessarily introverts, some are extroverts who happen to be shy. If shyness is keeping you from advancing in your career or maintaining personal relationships, there are various ways to beat shyness and become the outgoing person you would like to be.

1. Realizing that shyness is a problem for you is the first step in overcoming it. List your good qualities and enjoy the fact that you have many good points that can help you overcome your shyness problem. Pick one thing you'd like to change about yourself and focus on that one thing until you succeed in making positive changes. Systematically dealing with one issue at a time will help you become the person you want to be and overcome your shyness.

2. Each day identify one thing you can do to help yourself overcome shyness. It can be a simple thing like making eye contact with the clerk at your local grocery store or striking up a conversation with a stranger on the bus. You do not have to execute your plan perfectly every day. Just continue to take baby steps and reward yourself along the way for each obstacle you overcome.

3. Sometimes its not really shyness that is the problem. Occasionally a lack of social skills lead people to believe they are shy when in reality they just do not have the tools and knowledge to develop appropriate social behaviors. If a lack of social skills is keeping your self-esteem low and making your life miserable, search for one of the many sources of information that are designed to help you develop your social skills and overcome shyness. There are many informative publications that deal with these issues and you may find just the right tips on ways to beat shyness that will allow you to alleviate your social discomfort, expand your circle of friends, and support professional advancement.

4. There are numerous ways to beat shyness and not every suggestion or idea will work for everyone. Find the tools that are the most helpful to you personally and use these tools to the best of your ability. Overcoming shyness will not happen instantly or overnight. It takes perseverance and a desire to succeed if you truly want to overcome shyness and learn to interact easily and naturally with other people.

Shyness often causes a person to withdraw from society altogether. Do not let shyness rule your life. Start slowly and make small changes each step of the way. You will be able to see your progress with each negative personality trait you change into a positive one. Soon enough all the effort you put into changing your life will become evident to not only you, but to all those around you.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
revealed the secret strategies all high achievers use to
communicate with charm and impact. The same techniques you
can use to overcome shyness, develop great conversation
skills and build self-confidence.

Click here now to test this simple step-by-step system:

http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com






Social Skills Training Can Positively Impact Your Life

Social Skills Training Can Positively Impact Your Life
by Peter Murphy

In spite of many academic and professional accomplishments, many people still feel uncomfortable in social situations. Millions of people become anxious and insecure when speaking in public, starting a conversation, or mingling with others in a social setting. There are a large number of individuals who are extremely successful in their professional lives, but tend to shy away from meeting new people, attending social functions, and interpersonal communication. Social skills training can help you overcome obstacles and develop positive habits and social abilities.

1. Those wanting to improve their ability to communicate and their level of confidence through social skills training are increasing in number. Developing and expanding your social skills is perhaps the most important thing you can do for yourself, both professionally and personally. Speaking effectively, holding up your end of any conversation, establishing new relationships, and building confidence are just some of the personality traits that can be built upon through social skills training.

2. Social skills training will allow you to understand the impact a lack of social skills can have on your life, determine the personality traits that cause you to feel uncomfortable in social settings, and give you the tools you need in to become confident and comfortable in any situation. You can learn to resolve conflicts, the art of negotiation, and how to easily carry on a conversation either individually or in a group. If you find yourself avoiding large social gatherings or you are reluctant to meet new people, social skills training can be very beneficial to both your private and professional lives.

3. Social skills training involves learning to communicate effectively, adapting to various social and professional situations, interpreting the body language of others and improving your own body language, and learning to handle adversity and rejection in a positive manner. Failure to develop adequate social skills can lead to negative feelings, self-doubt, and low self-esteem. If you are among the many who would like to improve your ability to communicate with others in a positive manner, social skills training can provide you with valuable information and teach you techniques that will allow you to excel in social settings and in your professional life.

4. Flexibility, understanding, and the ability to communicate effectively are the most important factors in improving your social skills. Social skills training can help you conquer your fears of social situations, teach you the correct ways to communicate with others, and help you understand how to resolve conflict and overcome adversity. A lack of or underdeveloped social skills can lead to isolation, loneliness, and frustration. Do not be afraid to take the first step in improving your life and relationships with others. You can learn to speak in front of large groups without feeling anxious, start new or improve your existing relationships with family and co-workers, and exhibit a positive, confident attitude.

Improving your social skills requires dedication and the desire to change your own negative behaviors. You can dramatically increase your ability to communicate and influence others if you learn to change your own negative behaviors and build upon the positive. Understanding, good communication, interpreting body language, and conflict resolution skills can advance your career and personal life to levels you never thought possible. Social skills training can be done in groups or individually depending on your needs and the method you choose to assist you in improving upon your skills.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
revealed the secret strategies all high achievers use to
communicate with charm and impact. The same techniques you
can use to overcome shyness, develop great conversation
skills and build self-confidence.

Click here now to test this simple step-by-step system:

http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com







Saturday, December 04, 2004

5 Practical Shyness Tips

5 Practical Shyness Tips
by Peter Murphy

We all experience a little shyness at times with people who
we find intimidating. Here are some useful suggestions and
ideas that can help you overcome shyness and speak up when
you need to in order to achieve your goals...

1. Shyness is a problem for millions of people around the
world and unfortunately, there is not a magic potion that
will eliminate shyness or one simple suggestion that can be
of assistance to all shy people.

If you want to overcome shyness and improve your social
life, you will have to be flexible and try various things
that may be helpful for you personally.

The things that are of the most help to some shy people
will not work as well for others. Trial and error and a
desire to succeed are the keys to finding what works best
for you.

2. Shy people should practice their conversational skills
and never leave home without at least a mental list of
interesting, possible topics of conversation.

A good conversationalist is always prepared with topics of
conversation that may be of interest to the people they
know they will encounter in a certain situation.

3. Remember to ask friends and colleagues about previously
mentioned plans and activities. Current events, the
weather, and local news are always good conversation
starters.

Always be well prepared for any social situation. A little
advance planning can reduce your anxiety immensely.

Following a few simple shyness tips can be very beneficial
to you in your quest to overcome shyness.

4. If you suffer from extreme shyness, a good shyness tip
is to explain the problem to those you encounter on a
regular basis.

People tend to be very understanding and helpful if you
explain the problem in a way that simply lets them know you
are shy, and not in a way designed to gain sympathy.

There are two types of shyness.

Those who are obviously shy and tend to shake, sweat, and
become visibly uncomfortable in social situations and those
who simply avoid eye contact, are unusually quiet, and tend
to look at the floor.

The average person may draw the wrong conclusion about
those who are not so obviously shy. You may appear to be
aloof or arrogant to others unless you simply explain your
shyness to those closest to you.

5. While on the path to overcoming shyness, make sure to
reward yourself for small accomplishments along the way. It
doesn't have to be a huge reward or a big celebration, just
a pat on the back or special treat will do very nicely.

Another often-overlooked shyness tip is to go out of your
way to be helpful to others. Shyness tends to make people
totally absorbed with themselves and their own problems.

Learning to make the effort to assist other people in small
ways will do wonders for your self-esteem and give you
confidence in how you interact with new people. Making
others feel special is a great way to lessen you anxiety
and difficulty carrying on a conversation.

While practicing the shyness tips you have learned, don't
go overboard and try to change every negative personality
trait at one time. Pick one skill at a time and practice
the new skill until it becomes natural and habitual.

Then move on to the next thing you'd like to change. Keep
tackling and mastering one skill at a time until you
overcome your shyness and learn to function in any social
setting.

Of course the best solution is to use the 20 day
step-by-step system I developed. It has worked wonders for
me and for other shy people around the world who have used
it.

I can assure you - if you can follow simple instructions
you have what it takes to overcome shyness and enjoy better
relationships, new friendships and a greater sense of ease
when dealing with all kinds of people.

Take my system for a 365 day test drive.

Click here:

http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/

The worst thing you can do is to do nothing about your
shyness. It will not go away by itself. In fact, the longer
you procrastinate the harder it will be for you to overcome
the current inertia. 2004 is almost over.

Do not waste another year feeling shy. Start using my
system today...

Click here now:

http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/

Have a great week,

Peter Murphy

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
revealed the secret strategies all high achievers use to
communicate with charm and impact. The same techniques you
can use to overcome shyness, develop great conversation
skills and build self-confidence.

Click here now to test this simple step-by-step system:

http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com
















Wednesday, December 01, 2004

5 Ways To Overcome Shyness

Do you know the best ways to overcome shyness?

5 Ways To Overcome Shyness
by Peter Murphy

Even the most confident people have situations that cause them to be shy. Even famous personalities and very successful business people experience shyness at times. (if only they knew the best ways to overcome shyness)

Shyness is nothing to be ashamed of and you can overcome it when you learn the right way to go about it. The problem is that you have not been exposed to accurate, proven ways to deal with shyness.

Shyness can be defined as having difficulty creating a rapport with other people. For many people, shyness can mean having a hard time thinking of things to say in a social setting.

For others it can include physical symptoms of apprehension. For most people, it involves a combination of the two. Social behaviors that come easily to the average person such as smiling, making conversation, maintaining eye contact, and a relaxed posture are extremely difficult for the shy person to achieve.

Making friends and attending social functions may seem like a nightmare to a shy person. No one wants to stand in the corner alone, but a shy person may lack the ability to approach new people.

You can learn how to overcome shyness and build confidence by developing new habits and social skills. Shy people may have to exert a large amount of effort in order to start a conversation or attend a party. Determination is a key factor in learning how to overcome shyness.

5 Ways To Overcome Shyness:

1. Some of the components of shyness are lack of self-confidence and anxiety around others, difficulty carrying on a conversation, and a lack of knowledge about the expected behavior in social situations. Shy people can be very intimidated by people in general. Learning how to overcome shyness may seem like an insurmountable task, but help is available to you through several sources.

2. You must first determine why you are shy. There are always underlying reasons for the way a person reacts in certain situations. Next, try behaving in a confident manner in private and practice until you begin to see results in public. Walk confidently and speak firmly and soon you'll find yourself behaving the same confident way in social settings. As ridiculous as it may seem, forcing yourself to act as if you are not shy can be very helpful in learning how to overcome shyness altogether.

3. One way to boost your self-confidence is to always look your best. Looking great makes you feel great and does wonders for your self-esteem. Reduce your fear of rejection by always imagining the worst outcome possible in every social situation. Then if the outcome is less traumatic than you imagine, you won't dwell on the rejection near as much. Observing strangers and acquaintances and how they relate to others can be a great tool in learning how to overcome shyness.

4. If you are having difficulty overcoming shyness, join clubs or go to events that interest you. It's a lot more comfortable to engage in conversations with those who have common interests. The initial conversation will be much easier since you'll already have a topic of conversation that interests you both.

5. If you do not have the confidence to approach someone new, then smile and try to be approachable. Most people are receptive to a smile and a friendly face. You could also consider taking someone that you are comfortable with along to lessen your anxiety. Shy people are extremely reluctant to take the risk of approaching new people. If you want to learn how to overcome shyness, you may have to make a huge effort to be outgoing initially, but soon your new habits will become natural and easy.

There are numerous resources available to you if you need help overcoming shyness. Professional advice and tips on how to overcome shyness can be very beneficial if you are having difficulty taking that first step.

Of course the best solution is to use the 20 day step-by-step system I developed. It has worked wonders for me and for people around the world who have used it.

I can assure you - if you can follow simple instructions you have what it takes to overcome shyness and enjoy better relationships, new friendships and a greater sense of ease when dealing with all kinds of people.

Take my system for a 365 day test drive.

Click here: http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/

The worst thing you can do is to do nothing about your shyness. It will not go away by itself. In fact, the longer you procrastinate the harder it will be for you to overcome the current inertia. Another week is almost over. Do not waste another month or year feeling shy. Start using my system today.

Click here now:

http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/

Have a great week,

Peter Murphy

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently revealed the secret strategies all high achievers use to communicate with charm and impact. The same techniques you can use to overcome shyness, develop great conversation skills and build self-confidence. Click here now to test this simple step-by-step system:

http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com

Friday, November 19, 2004

Free report - solve all your people problems

Ever wonder what to do about your people problems?

Today I have something special for you - a new report
on how to say goodbye to your people problems forever.

Want to know the essential 4 steps to solving all of
your people problems?

Click here now to read this special new report:

http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/peoplereport.pdf

Ebjoy!

Peter Murphy

P.S. If the report does not open automatically on your computer it means
you need Adobe Acrobat. Get it fr*e here:

http://www.adobe.com/products/acrobat/readstep2.html

Thursday, November 18, 2004

How To Improve Your Social Skills

If you are looking for a way to improve your social skills,
there are many resources available that will assist you in
refining your social skills and improving the way you
communicate with others. It's not only possible to learn
how to improve your social skills; it's easier than you
think.

Imagine how much simpler your life would be if you could
rid yourself of nagging self-doubt and have confidence
knowing you can handle any social situation.

Have you ever wondered how some people seem to excel at
socializing? Learning how to improve your social skills
will give you the ability to know what to say in any
situation and be the type of person others love to be
around.

You can develop the skills needed to start a conversation
with anyone you encounter, deal effectively with awkward
situations, accept rejection gracefully, and win the
approval and appreciation of all that you encounter.

You will be able to read the body language of others,
effectively solve problems, and develop the ability to
diffuse sensitive situations with seemingly little effort.

In the process of learning how to improve your social
skills, your self-esteem will soar and your confidence will
reach an all-time high. Here are some tips:

1. Awareness of your own interaction with other people is
the first step in improving your social skills.

Learn to identify which types of situations make you
uncomfortable and then modify your behavior to achieve
positive results is a critical step in improving your
social skills.

You can learn to become aware of behaviors in other people
that prompt you to respond in negative ways and modify your
own behavior to turn the situation into a positive
experience.

2. You must accept responsibility for your own behavior and
do not fear apologizing for errors in judgment or
insensitive actions.

Asking others for honest feedback about the way you
interact with others can be very helpful. Accept the
negative feedback along with the positive and make changes
accordingly.

3. Your non-verbal communication is equally as important as
the things that you say. Positive body language is
extremely important in your interactions with other people.

If your words and your actions do not match, you will have
a difficult time succeeding in social situations.

4. In order to learn how to improve your social skills, you
must become and great listener. You must fight the urge to
respond immediately and really listen to what the other
person is trying to communicate.

Offering suggestions or criticism before you are certain of
the other person's intent can only lead to frustration for
both parties.

5. Improving your social skills is a process and cannot be
accomplished overnight. Trying to improve or change too
many things at once will be counter-productive.

You will become discouraged and overwhelmed if you attempt
to change your entire personality all at once. Choose one
or two traits at a time and work on those over a period of
time. Learn to take advantage of your personal strengths
and make a positive impact on others.

6. Maximize your positive personality traits and use them
in your interactions with others. Good communication and
great listening skills are the most important tools you can
use in improving your social skills.

You can learn how to improve your social skills by
developing excellent listening skills, learning to resolve
problems and conflicts, understanding body language, and
accepting responsibility for your own negative behavior.

Determination and self-awareness will make your desire to
improve your social skills a reality.

Now, go to my site for more help to improve your social skills:

http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/





Saturday, November 13, 2004

The Real Secret To Mastering People Skills

Want to know how to master people skills? It is easier
than you think once you learn a proven way to improve
your people skills.

If you are serious about developing great people skills
- read on...

When you decide to develop greater self-confidence, to
improve your communication skills and to enhance your
ability to connect with people. You need to master one
crucial life skill.

Without this essential skill you will never excel in your
dealings with people. You will never express yourself in a
way that moves people and you will never make a big first
impression when you meet new people.

You must learn how to be flexible in your approach.

Flexibility or the ability to adapt to different people is
essential if you are to communicate effectively. In many
ways it is like driving a car - you must constantly adapt
to your environment and make ongoing, slight adjustments to
how you drive the conversation.

If you fail to do this you will end up using the same
approach with everyone you meet and consequently your
ability to create and maintain rapport will be a random
event.

If and only if the other person is responsive to your
approach will you be able to make great conversation.

In other words you are not in control. And this creates
feelings of shyness, nervousness and anxiety. You feel
stressed for a reason - you have no control over your
interactions with others.

Only when you master the art of being flexible with people
will be in control. You will then feel a sense of
relaxation and confidence based on your proven competence.

What can you do to develop flexibility?

You need to condition new ways of behaving. The traditional
way to do this is to act out the new behaviors until they
become automatic.

For example when talking to a loud talker you would shout
back even if you feel awkward about speaking up in public.
Or with someone who tends to be say very little you might
dominate the conversation and do most of the talking even
if listening to the sound of your own voice makes you feel
self-conscious.

Although this approach can work it is slow, difficult and
embarassing until you start exhibiting real progress.

There is a far better way.

It is the approach I used to go from feeling shy and
nervous in social situations to feeling confident and in
charge.

The answer?

Use peak performance techniques to quickly and easily
condition new ways of dealing with people. This is the
only way I recommend if you are serious about developing
the flexibility you need to master people skills.

You can transform your people skills when you take two
important actions.

1. Eliminate the limiting negative feelings that hold you
back. Until you do this you will never make any real
progress even if you read a ton of books on how to talk to
people.

Why? Because your fears of saying the wrong thing, of
looking stupid and of getting stuck for words will over
ride your best intentions. You will stay stuck in a rut
even if what you are currently doing does not work.

2. Reprogram your mind to allow you to perform at your very
best.

When you use powerful techniques for conditioning new and
better ways of dealing with people - it gets easier and
easier to develop flexibility with people.

I have now told you what you need to focus on to transform
your communication skills for the rest of your life.

It could take you many frustrating years of trial and error
to figure out the specific techniques that will work best
for you.

Or you can use my step-by-step system and start getting
great results today.

Now would be a great time for you to address points 1 and 2
above by getting out your copy of my system...

http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/


To eliminate the negative feelings that hold you back -
review the three strategies in the Conversation Fear report.

To be at your best with a variety of people - use lesson 1
on page 5 of my book and use that strategy to ensure you
are at your best with different types of people.

And if you really want to guarantee your success use the
Instant Confidence technique in lesson 5 on page 27.

Have Fun,

Peter Murphy


Peter Murphy is the Author of the proven
system for transforming shyness into
self-confidence. Develop great conversation
skills and master small talk when you
reserve a 365 day test drive at:

http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/

Friday, November 05, 2004

How to overcome the fear of rejection

This new article deals with the fear of rejection and how
to change how you think so that rejection no longer bothers
you.

How To Reframe Rejection
by Peter Murphy

Fear of rejection is one of the greatest fears shared by all
human beings. Nobody wants to feel left out, unwanted or
un-liked.

And at the same time what we really want is to be loved and
accepted by everyone - that would be bliss. It will never
happen though because we all have biases, opinions and
beliefs that color the way we look at the world.

People will reject us no matter how good we look, no matter
how successful we are, and no matter how giving we are. If
we were to become even nicer, and even more spiritually
aware they would still reject us so it is a pointless
battle trying to win over everyone.

However we can change how we think about rejection. If we
change the meaning of rejection it can become our ally
instead of our enemy.

Next time someone rejects you why not take it as feedback
instead. That is, your approach did not work and you need
to try a new approach. In sales, the salesperson must view
rejection as feedback or else she will slowly go insane!

So let us view rejection as feedback. When you are rejected
immediately set your mind the task of intelligently
answering this question - how must I change my approach to
get what I want?

By doing this, you shift your attention back to what you
can do and off the other person whose approval is theirs to
give or not to give.

Let us take the example of asking someone to help you with a
project at work, you are afraid to ask for help so when you
do, your co-worker can almost smell this fear of rejection
coming from you.

He says No, he is far to busy to help you today. Now
immediately ask yourself the feedback reframe question -
how must I change my approach to get what I want?

Asking this question will give you an unlimited range of new
approaches to use: maybe smile more, or bribe him with a
soft drink, or perhaps offer to do some of his boring work
in return for help.

It also helps to anticipate rejection before it has a
chance to happen. In the case of the example above, before
talking to the colleague I would spend a few minutes in
preparation. I would run through possible ways he might
reject me. For each possible situation, just keep asking
yourself - how must I change my approach to get what I want?

You may not realize, most people just give up too easily
because rejection feels so unpleasant. If you reframe
rejection to mean feedback it becomes a mental puzzle to
solve instead.

You will then be able to endure the word *No* a lot longer.
This endurance will also encourage others to let you have
what you want because you just do not seem to take No for
an answer!

Warning:

Maintain rapport at all times when you use this
approach, this new found courage and tenacity is only
appreciated by others if you use it with a win-win outlook.

Have Fun,

Peter Murphy

Author of the proven step-by-step system for
transforming shyness into self-confidence.
Develop great conversation skills and
master small talk when you reserve a 365
day test drive at:

http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/

P.S. Now would be a great time to review the Conversation
Fear report, the bonus report that comes with my book, and
use one or all of the techniques to overcome the fears that
stop you being at your best with others.

Get it here:

http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/

Go to my site now and finally take control of your fear of rejection.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

4 Common Mistakes That Damage Your Relationships

Summary: The four major mistakes people make when
communicating that can negatively impact their
relationships. And practical solutions to these problems.


4 Common Mistakes That Damage Your Relationships
by Peter Murphy

Do you know the four mistakes most people make when making
conversation? These common errors that can damage your
relationships...

1 Pretending You Are Interested When You Are Not

Do yourself a favor and be honest with yourself and the
people you spend time with. If you are really not
interested in the topic of conversation then say so.

If possible, change the subject or simply postpone that
particular conversation until another time.

Obviously if there is a danger of offending the other
person you will have to be less direct. In these situations
it helps to find out right away what the other person wants
or expects from you.

Ask!

The conversation will right away become very relevant to
you and maintaining interest is a lot easier.


2 Disliking The Other Person

If you do not like something about the person you are
talking to it will come across at some level. Ask yourself
-- what could I like about this person? This will help put
you in a better frame of mind.

And look for things you have in common by asking yourself -
how is this person like me?

We all have something in common and commonality builds
rapport. Look for it and you will find it.

If you mechanically attempt to get rapport with people while
secretly disliking them you will never get that deep
rapport you are aiming for.

In fact if your focus is on how much you dislike the person
you will not even want rapport and instead you will be
setting yourself up for conflict.


3 Wanting Rapport With Everyone You Meet

I made this mistake when I first learned advanced
communication skills.

All of a sudden, for the first time, I was able to get
rapport with anyone I met. So I did.

And I recommend you do the same to a point. With one
exception. There are some people you do not want to be
getting deep rapport with.

Take someone who is like a raging bull with a deep
resentment and hate for themselves and other people. Do you
really want to feel the same way? If you get deep rapport
you will feel some of the same feelings.

While you may need to be effective around such people keep
your focus on your real goal. Deal effectively with the
individual and maintain your own emotional state regardless
of how upset the other person is.

Pay attention to your emotional state when dealing with
negative people, manipulative people and others who will
drain your energy. With these people rely more on the
weakest element of rapport - words. And manage your body
language without following their lead.


4 Not Speaking Their Language

We all have one primary sense whether it be visual,
auditory or feelings based that dominates our perception of
the world.

You need to get good at spotting which modality other
people use and match their world to get rapport quickly and
easily.

If someone is in a visual mode their words will be
dominated by words that express what they see. For example
the car is red with a white soft top and a huge back seat.

Whereas the auditory person describes the car in a
different way: it sounds like a lion roaring when you start
the engine and the CD player fills the car with deep, rich
sounds that dance around your ears.

Finally the person most attuned to their feelings notices
the smooth soft sensation of the leather seats and the warm
firm feeling when they hold the steering wheel.

If you use the wrong modality for the person you are
talking to it makes it harder for him to understand you.
You have to work harder to get rapport.

And when you speak to several people at once make sure you
use visual, auditory and feeling words to make sure you
appeal to everyone.

Make a point of paying attention to the dominant modality
your friends and family use. And you may have a
breakthrough when you finally discover why you are not
getting deep rapport with some of them while more easily
getting along with other people.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. This report reveals
the secret strategies all high achievers use to
communicate with charm and impact. Apply now because
it is available for a limited time only at:
http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm


Friday, October 22, 2004

Do you want approval from people?

Let go of needing their approval!

A secret to great communication is to let go of wanting approval
from others. When you no longer need their approval your nerves
will vanish, your self-confidence will soar and you´ll exude
charisma.

I often mention this principle because it is so important. As
long as you must have the permission, approval and
acceptance of your peers you are a victim of their limiting
beliefs.

You must let go of wanting approval if you are to ever have
peace of mind.

The easiest way is to learn The Sedona Method. To get started
right now ask yourself -- could I let go of wanting John´s
approval? Where John is the name of the negative person.

Notice the feeling response that comes up for you and repeat the
question for at least twenty minutes until you feel lighter and
more at peace.

Do this regularly to reclaim your independence from negative
people.

http://groups.msn.com/TheSedonaMethodreleasingClub

Go to this free site now to learn how to let go of wanting approval.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

How to Start a Great Conversation Anytime Anywhere

How to Start a Great Conversation Anytime Anywhere

Even with a complete stranger!

I have produced a new report you are going to love. Let me tell
you...how to quickly and easily start a conversation with anyone
you meet.

Starting a conversation with someone you have never met before
can be stressful and difficult unless you have the right mind-set.
In this report you will learn a straightforward and effective
approach you can start using today.

Before I learned the distinctions I will reveal in this report I
really disliked meeting new people so much that I simply avoided
situations where I would be forced to talk to strangers.

Obviously this attitude was not very clever since it limited my
life to situations and people I was already familiar with. As a
result I missed out on new experiences, making new friends and
visiting places I was keen to see.

I changed the hard way. I had to take a job I didn’t want because
I joined the workforce after graduating from college during a
recession. As a result I started working as a sales person for a
nationwide retailer of household electrical appliances.

I was afraid of dealing with new people and there I was facing
the public day in and day out with nowhere to hide!

I learned how to do small talk, I discovered how to handle a wide
variety of people and little by little I found it easier and
easier to approach complete strangers and to engage them in
lively conversations.

You have it easy! In this report I will share the simple way to
transform your ability to start a conversation with new people.

You will be learning the key distinctions used by gifted
communicators and you will also learn some clever ways to ensure
you always have something to say.

When you order my book you will receive this $37 value report as
an extra bonus with my compliments.


Why am I doing this?

Because I am convinced that when you avail of Your Zero Risk
365-Day Trial you will know...

How to approach new people with confidence even if you never have
before

How to go from feeling tense & nervous to being confident in
moments

The best way to prepare for demanding meetings and social
gatherings

How to command attention when you talk in a way that makes people
listen

The simple way to win the approval of others without fearing
rejection

How to take charge of any fear that stops you being at your very
best

How to deal with overbearing people by taking back control of the
conversation


Order TODAY and take the Zero Risk 365 Day Trial.

http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/

Have Fun,

Peter Murphy

P.S. Have you heard what these people said?


Wow! I'm going to have fun using this stuff! There is no
question excellent communication skills are essential to success
not just for CEO’s – for anyone.

This book gave me step-by-step techniques I can use in every
imaginable communication situation, for every possible challenge.

It boils volumes of information into a compact and potent
resource for communicating powerfully, effectively and
confidently.

This is the latest “must read” for business – or personal –
success. I highly recommend you read this book if you’re serious
about being successful (or if you'd just like to have a lot of
fun communicating with people).

John R. Barker
President, getSynergized.com



Hi [Peter],

Thanks for the email. I had an interview to attend this morning.
It was to do with obtaining an International passport. It was
worrying me sick, but thanks to your mail you managed to install
confidence within me.

I reached the passport office on time, looked the interviewer
right in the eyes just like you advised and in no time the
interview was over. The good news is that the interview was a
success and my passport will be ready within a few days.

Thanks again for making me believe in myself and keep up the
good work.

My hope is that you will continue keeping in touch.

Kind regards,

Muunda Lyabola
Africa, Zambia



With so much hype these days, it's good to find an ebook with
such a high standard of good, solid, actionable information and
advice.

Believe me; this ebook is a sensible, achievable,
step-by-step roadmap to greater personal and business success
grounded in exceptional people skills. It's a value-packed
riveting read!

Noel Peebles, Author of Sell Your Business The Easy Way
www.instantsellbusiness.com



If you follow these staggeringly simple, yet easily 'doable'
lessons...you cannot fail to be more self-confident, at the same
time as having more charisma...whatever work you do.

Peter Murphy gives you some of the most cutting-edge personal
development technology there is, backed up with some stunning
real-life examples. Combine these with the simple, yet very
effective, action steps at the end of each lesson, and you have a
course that will help you literally revolutionize your career.

Gary Vurnum
www.oursuccesspartnership.com


Quick order now at:
http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/

And get the How to Start a Great Conversation Anytime Anywhere report.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Low Stress Communication And Good Conversation

A new article... Low Stress Communication And Good Conversation

Life is all about choices. And so is the way you communicate. You
can fill your days with frustrating high stress communication or
you can have days of low stress effective communication with your
peers. And good conversation.

Now take a moment to learn three ways to have low stress
communication. Good conversation will then follow.


1 Recognize Positive Intentions

When someone you are talking to is unkind, negative or downright
rude it is easy to get annoyed, angry and even aggressive.

However this will just makes the situation worse and even faster
than you can imagine. Good conversation depends on the right outlook.

There is a better way. Instead look for the positive intention of
the person you are talking to. What do I mean?

Ask yourself -- what is the positive intention behind this
behavior?

If the person you are talking to is angry maybe the positive
intention is to express some hurt or frustration. What is
important is looking for a positive not to get the correct answer.

When you assume the person has a positive message hidden
underneath the negative exterior you will have more compassion
and patience and you will not feel so stressed dealing with the
individual.

Low Stress Communication And Good Conversation Is Then A Possibility.


2 Choose Your Own Emotional State

You hear me talking a lot in this blog about managing your
emotional state. Why? Because it is an essential life skill.

Good conversation cannot happen if you are stressed out.

Unless you are in charge of how you feel your ability to
communicate effectively will always be limited and dependent on
other people.

When you are in a potentially stressful situation and everyone
around you is losing their cool this does not mean you have to
join them! You will be able to contribute a lot more if you
remain calm and centered.

Staying calm and resourceful is a choice you can make.
Unfortunately it is all too easy to be a sheep and simply follow
the crowd. Nobody says you have to be a sheep!

Instead make a point of keeping yourself in a resourceful state.
If you need more help with this refer to my book:

http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/


3 Step Outside The Situation

Whenever I am in a highly charged situation I will often step
outside the situation -- in my mind. This helps to defuse the
event for me.

You can do this too. Simply imagine that you are at the other end
of the room watching the interaction between you and the other
person or people.

It is as if you are a neutral observer with no emotional
involvement in the discussion at hand.

When you do this you will think of ideas to handle the
situation better and you will also feel less bothered by the
stress of the other people.

This is one technique you need to play with first in easy
everyday conversations. Once you get familiar with it you will
find it easy to mentally step outside the event while still
participating with the people in front of you.

Stress or relaxation which do you prefer?

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report:10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. This report reveals the secret strategies all high achievers use to communicate with charm and impact. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm


Want More on Low Stress Communication And Good Conversation? Get that free report now.

Friday, October 08, 2004

Interpersonal Communication in Business

Interpersonal communication in business is a crucial and essential skill that you must master to be successful. Those who neglect interpersonal communication in business notice the difference in their pay slip!

Here are some interesting points, by Azriel Winnett of Hodu.com, we read earlier today...

Ineffective communication is a major, yet avoidable, obstacle to business productivity. And yes, it can be avoided. Given the will, the bleakest of situations can be turned around for the better.

Management must face squarely the challenge of formulating strategies to encourage personnel to communicate effectively.

On the other hand, managers themselves have to set the example. They need to realize that successful communication is no one-way process.

(A Key To Interpersonal Communication in Business)

On the contrary, repricocity is the essence of communication. This applies whether the process is conducted verbally or through the medium of the written word.

Managers are human beings involved with other human beings. They are far more than givers of information or instructions. Communication is as much a matter of human relationships as it as about transmitting facts.

To communicate successfully managers and supervisors have to understand the other person, and have to work hard to get the other person to understand them.

So you see, Ineffective communication is a major, yet avoidable, obstacle to business productivity. And yes, it can be avoided. Given the will, the bleakest of situations can be turned around for the better.

Management must face squarely the challenge of formulating strategies to encourage personnel to communicate effectively. Otherwise interpersonal communication in business breaks down.

On the other hand, managers themselves have to set the example. They need to realize that successful communication is no one-way process.

On the contrary, repricocity is the essence of communication. This applies whether the process is conducted verbally or through the medium of the written word.

Managers are human beings involved with other human beings. They are far more than givers of information or instructions. Communication is as much a matter of human relationships as it as about transmitting facts.

To communicate successfully managers and supervisors have to understand the other person, and have to work hard to get the other person to understand them.

So you see, mastering interpersonal communication in business is a must.

Now, get the free report...

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report:10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. This report reveals the secret strategies all high achievers use to communicate with charm and impact. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm

Your interpersonal communication in business will improve when you use the strategies in that report.


Wednesday, October 06, 2004

How To Communicate Better

Want To Know How To Communicate Better?

This is an essential skill because when you know how to communicate better new doors open up for you.

One great way is to discover how to handle rude people! If you can handle them you can deal with just about anyone. Read on to learn how to communicate better...

How To Deal With Rude People
by Peter Murphy

Where I live there seems to be a a growing population of
rude and vulgar people. And no matter how hard I wish for
things to change it is not going to happen. It is up to me
to change how I think and feel about these people. The same
applies for you.


1 What Does It Mean When Someone Is Rude?

Your initial angry reaction may be to think the person is a
moron but that only makes matters worse as it will comes
across in the way you talk.

I prefer to view such behavior as evidence that the person
is doing the best he can with what he has. This belief
makes it easier for you to accept the person even though
you may not like his approach.

Look for the good in people and you are a lot more likely
to find it.

This is a secret that those who know how to communicate better use.


2 Is It Your Fault?

When you encounter vulgarity it is worth pausing to ask
yourself have you encouraged this behavior. Maybe you
played along with this gutter talk in the past so the
person thinks you do not mind it.

Or perhaps you have done something that has annoyed the
person so much they cannot control their anger and
annoyance.

In either of these cases it is best to slowly lead the
person back to a polite discussion. You can do this by
asking highly specific questions that force the person to
slow down and think before replying.

When you know how to communicate better this becomes automatic.

If you honestly did not do anything to encourage the
rudeness you are clearly dealing with someone who
habitually talks in this way.

Unless you can change the person you just have to accept
him or her as they are.


3 What Can You Do?

Ultimately you have a choice - avoid dealing with vulgar
people where possible or join them!

Only joking!

Seriously though. If you cannot avoid them you need to
remember how to take charge of conversations. Plus you need
to ensure you remain strong and unaffected by their manner.

In the meantime you can achieve quite a lot by
distinguishing between the person and the way they deliver
their message to you.

Look beyond their words to the real message they are trying
to convey.

We all have a bad day now and again maybe you just bumped
into them while they were stuck at a low point.

Adopt a positive outlook and rudeness will not bother you
as much. And as you appreciate the finer points of how to
communicate better it does get easier over time.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report:10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. This report reveals
the secret strategies all high achievers use to communicate
with charm and impact. Apply now because it is available
for a limited time only at:
http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm

Get that report if you want to discover more detailed information on how to communicate better.