Friday, November 05, 2004

How to overcome the fear of rejection

This new article deals with the fear of rejection and how
to change how you think so that rejection no longer bothers

How To Reframe Rejection
by Peter Murphy

Fear of rejection is one of the greatest fears shared by all
human beings. Nobody wants to feel left out, unwanted or

And at the same time what we really want is to be loved and
accepted by everyone - that would be bliss. It will never
happen though because we all have biases, opinions and
beliefs that color the way we look at the world.

People will reject us no matter how good we look, no matter
how successful we are, and no matter how giving we are. If
we were to become even nicer, and even more spiritually
aware they would still reject us so it is a pointless
battle trying to win over everyone.

However we can change how we think about rejection. If we
change the meaning of rejection it can become our ally
instead of our enemy.

Next time someone rejects you why not take it as feedback
instead. That is, your approach did not work and you need
to try a new approach. In sales, the salesperson must view
rejection as feedback or else she will slowly go insane!

So let us view rejection as feedback. When you are rejected
immediately set your mind the task of intelligently
answering this question - how must I change my approach to
get what I want?

By doing this, you shift your attention back to what you
can do and off the other person whose approval is theirs to
give or not to give.

Let us take the example of asking someone to help you with a
project at work, you are afraid to ask for help so when you
do, your co-worker can almost smell this fear of rejection
coming from you.

He says No, he is far to busy to help you today. Now
immediately ask yourself the feedback reframe question -
how must I change my approach to get what I want?

Asking this question will give you an unlimited range of new
approaches to use: maybe smile more, or bribe him with a
soft drink, or perhaps offer to do some of his boring work
in return for help.

It also helps to anticipate rejection before it has a
chance to happen. In the case of the example above, before
talking to the colleague I would spend a few minutes in
preparation. I would run through possible ways he might
reject me. For each possible situation, just keep asking
yourself - how must I change my approach to get what I want?

You may not realize, most people just give up too easily
because rejection feels so unpleasant. If you reframe
rejection to mean feedback it becomes a mental puzzle to
solve instead.

You will then be able to endure the word *No* a lot longer.
This endurance will also encourage others to let you have
what you want because you just do not seem to take No for
an answer!


Maintain rapport at all times when you use this
approach, this new found courage and tenacity is only
appreciated by others if you use it with a win-win outlook.

Have Fun,

Peter Murphy

Author of the proven step-by-step system for
transforming shyness into self-confidence.
Develop great conversation skills and
master small talk when you reserve a 365
day test drive at:

P.S. Now would be a great time to review the Conversation
Fear report, the bonus report that comes with my book, and
use one or all of the techniques to overcome the fears that
stop you being at your best with others.

Get it here:

Go to my site now and finally take control of your fear of rejection.

No comments: