Friday, August 27, 2004

7 Ways To Make a Great First Impression

When you have an important event to attend there are 7 great ways to make sure you perform at your very best.

These tips are relevant for social events and business meetings. Discover how to communicate with confidence while making great conversation.

1. Decide what you want to say before the event. Review it in your mind to make sure it sounds okay. Keep rehearsing it until you can say it with conviction and confidence.

2. Consider your potential listeners. Who will you be talking to and which topics of conversation will be welcome? You need to make sure your message matches your audience.

3.Be yourself. The worst mistake is to pretend you are something you are not. People will see through you and distrust everything you say. Even if you communicate clearly and with confidence.

4. Never expect things to work out perfectly. Be ready to deal with problems by deciding in advance what you will do. What will you do if people ignore your input? Now is the time to decide and not later on in the heat of the moment.

5. Be flexible in your approach. Different people need to be treated differently. Pay very close attention to how people respond to what you say and keep adjusting your approach until you have a good rapport with your listener.

6. Make the other person the focus of your attention and let him lead the conversation in the early stages. Let that person steer the conversation onto topics that are of interest to him.

7. Anticipate what could go wrong. Then do what you can to make sure those scenarios do not occur. Adequate planning is the key to performing at your best in the moment.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because
it is available for a limited time only at:

How to Solve Disputes with the Helicopter Talk Technique

Do you ever find that when a friend asks for your opinion on a
problem it is a lot easier for you to see a solution than it is
for your friend?

And do you also find that sometimes you feel completely stuck
when it comes to your own problems?

The same applies to disputes, relationship issues and

When you are part of the problem it can be very difficult to see
a solution. What you need at times like this is a helicopter!

Helicopter Talk Technique:

1 Imagine you are in a helicopter flying high above the town you
live in. Now travel to where you last had a dispute with a family
member, friend or work mate.

2 From the safety and distance of the helicopter above rerun the
last conversation when the trouble flared up. Watch the scene
unfold and pay attention to how you communicated rather than who
was in the right.

3 Ask yourself:

-- how could you have handled the situation better?
-- what could you have done differently?
-- what is the solution to the problem?

Your goal is to be emotionally detached yet concerned with
finding the best solution in the same way you help a friend with
a problem.

4 Imagine a trusted friend is in the helicopter observing:

-- what advice would your friend give you?
-- what does your friend notice that you missed?

Your own private helicopter can be used to identify patterns of
communication you have that land you in hot water as well as new
ways of dealing with problems.

Have fun in the sky!

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because
it is available for a limited time only at:

Happy Talk and 3 Simple Secrets to Happiness

What is the one thing you want more than anything else for the
people you love the most? If you had a magic wand what would you
grant your family and friends? What is it that everyone wants?

To be happy!

How can you make other people happy until you are happy? How can
you be happy?

Lester Levenson, creator of The Sedona Method, discovered the key
to happiness. He searched for 47 years and nearly died in the
process but he did find it. Do you want to know what it is?

Lester had a breakthrough after much soul searching and found out
how to be happy only after reviewing his entire life. He spotted
a common pattern, one that was present in every happy moment.

Whenever he was feeling love towards another person he felt happy.
And whenever he felt any other feeling he was not happy.

Test this principle for yourself. Think of a time when you were
blissfully happy. Did you feel loving at that time? This works for
me every time. Is this easy or what? Simply amazing!

If this sounds too simple to work I know that you have not tested
it for yourself. Turning on a light bulb is easy too only because
someone else figured it out!

Now it is time for Happy Talk or how to talk in a way that makes
your family and friends happy...

1 Be Happy Yourself

Spend twenty minutes asking yourself:

- who do I love most in my life?
- what do I love most about myself?
- what things do I love most in my life?

After doing this exercise you will feel much happier. And you
will have done it without having to spend any money on expensive
clothes, cars or holidays!

2 Spread the happiness

Now that you feel happy you will radiate this to whoever you
spend time with. Happiness is infectious. Just be yourself and
top up the happiness by quietly asking yourself the above three
questions when you are in company.

3 Show your friends and family how to be happy

Depending on how well you know your friends you may want to
approach this step in one of two ways.

If you want to play it safe ask your friend to talk about times
when she was happy. Let her talk and just listen as she relives
those wonderful times from the past.

Share your own favorite moments too. Enjoy yourself!

If the people you are with are more open to the ideas we are
discussing here take them through the steps I covered above in
section one. Ask them these questions:

- who do you love most in my life?
- what do you love most about myself?
- what things do you love most in my life?

The Dalai Lama teaches that the purpose of life is to be happy.
Go on and live a life of purpose with your family and friends!

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because
it is available for a limited time only at:

Three Great Ways to Deal with Negative People

1 Do not believe everything you hear!

With close friends and family it is not unusual to think that you
ought to take onboard everything you hear. However do not confuse
caring with knowing.

Just because someone is concerned for your welfare does not mean
that their advice or input has value. For example, I know a lot
about peak performance. I do not know much about car maintenance.

If I ever offer you advice on rebuilding a car engine run as fast
as you can! My input would have little or no value.

Likewise with friends and family. They may be negative about you,
your plans and your opinions simply because they lack the
knowledge to think positively about the situation. Their
ignorance causes them to fear for your welfare.

Distinguish between caring and the knowledge to offer worthwhile

2 Let go of needing their approval:

I often mention this principle because it is so important. As
long as you must have the permission, approval and
acceptance of your peers you are a victim of their limiting

You must let go of wanting approval if you are to ever have
peace of mind.

The easiest way is to learn The Sedona Method. To get started
right now ask yourself -- could I let go of wanting John´s
approval? Where John is the name of the negative person.

Notice the feeling response that comes up for you and repeat the
question for at least twenty minutes until you feel lighter and
more at peace.

Do this regularly to reclaim your independence from negative

3 Eliminate your own negative thoughts:

Often friends reflect back the negatives you quietly hold inside
your own mind. If you were 100 per cent positive about your life
and your plans it would not matter if people close to you were

In fact their negative comments might even make you laugh because
their opinions would seem so absurd to you.

You can become more positive by reading books that expand your
knowledge and understanding, spending more time with positive,
dynamic people and by stretching yourself daily.

By stretching I mean challenging yourself to perform better than
your previous best. When you make stretching to be more part of
your life your belief in what is possible grows and grows at a
furious pace. Before long you will not have room for negative

Choose to find a positive in all things and it quickly becomes a
habit that will transform your experience of life. I am always
asking myself:

-- what is good about this?

-- what is great about this?

-- what have I learned from this that makes me stronger?

Ask yourself the right questions and redirect your mind back onto
the positive.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because
it is available for a limited time only at:

4 Ways To Avoid Looking Stupid When Making Small Talk

The fear of saying something silly and feeling embarrassed stops
many of us from contributing more to discussions at work and when
we are relaxing with friends.

And ironically the more we worry about it, the more tense we get
and the more likely we are to say something stupid.

Let us a take a look at some remedies:

1 Learn to relax when you feel under pressure.

I often talk about the importance of managing your emotions

This is an essential skill.

There are a wide range of courses and books that you can refer to
if you want to learn more about relaxation.

When you feel relaxed it is easier to think on your feet and to be
flexible when you need to be.

2 Prepare Yourself

Before a social gathering get ready to have something to talk about.

With the internet on your PC there is no excuse for not becoming
well informed about the world. The more knowledge you have the more
conversations you can contribute to.

Make a point though of reading up on a variety of subjects otherwise
your conversation topics will be limited to what interests you the
most. And those topics may not interest your friends as much.

3 Become genuinely interested in other people

One of the big secrets to conversation power is to shut up! We
are all a lot more interested in ourselves than in anyone else.

When there is a long silence encourage the other person to talk
by asking questions and taking an active interest in the answers.

Take charge of the situation if you want the conversation to

4 Stupid Statements Are Allowed!

If you say something stupid it is not the end of the world. If
you try to hide your error then the situation can become chaotic
very quickly.

It is far better to just admit that you made a mistake. Also,
accept that even smart people say stupid things some times.

As long as you accept that you will make mistakes you have
nothing to worry about. Expecting yourself to be perfect is
unfair and just sets you up for failure.

All you need to do now is to decide how you will deal with these
mistakes when they do happen.

5 Enjoy The Silence!

When there is a long silence in a conversation what normally
passes through your mind? Do you judge it as bad? Do you feel
under pressure to speak?

The other person has created the silence with you. Why not wait
for him to speak first? Take the responsibility off your shoulders.
It takes at least two people to have a conversation.

Finally, the reason silence can be uncomfortable is because you
become self conscious. You become very aware of your own thoughts
and feelings

There is one great way to deal with this. Put your attention on
something outside of yourself by paying great attention to the
other person and whatever is going on around you in the room.

Become fascinated by what you see and hear and you will forget
about your own concerns.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because
it is available for a limited time only at:

3 Secrets to Developing Superior People Skills

1. If What You Are Doing Is Not Working Change Your Approach

When I was in school I always had a small group of close friends
but I never found it easy meeting new people. By the time I
reluctantly entered the work force it was clear that my
communication skills were limiting my progress.

The fact that I was as capable or even more capable than my
peers meant little when I was unable to create a favorable

I needed to become a lot more confident, dynamic and charming.

And I did. I changed my approach once I learned how to by
studying advanced communication skills.

What would have happened if I did not change my approach? Year
after year I would have become more and more frustrated and

I could easily have adopted the world view that nothing ever
works out for me and before long I would have spent most of my
time with other negative people.

Things do not change until you change. Doing nothing is not an
option in case you actually think it is. The trend will continue
and reach its natural conclusion until you change the trend.

Decide to change and look for answers. The clock is ticking. And
the time to begin is now.

2. Learn From People Who Get Results

It is easy to get advice when you have a problem. Everyone has an
opinion! However unless that person has proven expertise in that
area be careful about following his advice.

On the other hand when you want to become better at something all
you really need to do is to open your eyes. Who do you know who
excels at that activity? Who has already solved that problem in
their own life?

Recently I was walking around town with a friend who invests in
property. Now a lot of people own their own home and even a
second home. This man is different. He owns several million
dollars worth of residential property and a hotel.

Maybe he would be a good person to talk to if you want to learn
how to make money in property!

As we walked around I asked him lots and lots of questions. He
is very patient with me! I was amazed how much I could learn in
minutes just by asking the right questions of someone with the
right answers.

3. Invest In Your Future

I have always been fascinated at how quickly my life can change
once I learn and use new distinctions. Think about it. The only
thing stopping you from succeeding in any area of life is a lack
of knowledge. And if you commit to learning you can bridge that

Let us say your goal is to be the CEO of the largest company in
your town or city.

What is stopping you?

Knowledge and skills. And these can be learned. You can acquire
the knowledge and mental skills, the people skills and the
ability to handle pressure.

Obviously you will choose a goal that will make you happy and
avoid occupations that you are not suited to. You will naturally
favor goals that build on your interests and aptitudes.

How are you going to quickly acquire the skills you need to move
ahead in your life? The fastest way is to invest money in courses
and books that reveal the strategies you need.

Consider how much money you spend each year to service your car.
The cost of oil changes, new tires and other repairs. Not to
mention insurance.

Do you spend this much on servicing and upgrading your skills?
And No this is not the responsibility of your employer. Your
company only spends on you to achieve the corporate goals not
your goals.

The first time I attended a huge three day personal development
seminar it was with several thousand people. And I learned a lot
in the car park! I noticed at 3 A.M. when the first day ended
that the car park was full of very expensive luxury cars.
Porsche, Rolls Royce, Jaguar, Bentley and Ferrari.

It was then that I understood what separates the most successful
people from everyone else. A lifetime commitment to learning and
a willingness to invest in their own development.

Do you want to step up and join those at the top of your field?
It is easier than you think because most people prefer to do
nothing and hope that things will somehow get better.

Take action and invest today in a bright new future.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because
it is available for a limited time only at:

3 Easy Steps to Low Stress Communication

Life is all about choices. And so is the way you communicate. You
can fill your days with frustrating high stress communication or
you can have days of low stress effective communication with your

Now take a moment to learn three ways to have low stress

1 Recognize Positive Intentions

When someone you are talking to is unkind, negative or downright
rude it is easy to get annoyed, angry and even aggressive.

However this will just makes the situation worse and even faster
than you can imagine.

There is a better way. Instead look for the positive intention of
the person you are talking to. What do I mean?

Ask yourself -- what is the positive intention behind this

If the person you are talking to is angry maybe the positive
intention is to express some hurt or frustration. What is
important is looking for a positive not to get the correct answer.

When you assume the person has a positive message hidden
underneath the negative exterior you will have more compassion
and patience and you will not feel so stressed dealing with the

2 Choose Your Own Emotional State

I talk a lot about the importance of managing your
emotional state. Why? Because it is an essential life skill.

Unless you are in charge of how you feel your ability to
communicate effectively will always be limited and dependent on
other people.

When you are in a potentially stressful situation and everyone
around you is losing their cool this does not mean you have to
join them! You will be able to contribute a lot more if you
remain calm and centered.

Staying calm and resourceful is a choice you can make.
Unfortunately it is all too easy to be a sheep and simply follow
the crowd. Nobody says you have to be a sheep!

Instead make a point of keeping yourself in a resourceful state.

3 Step Outside The Situation

Whenever I am in a highly charged situation I will often step
outside the situation -- in my mind. This helps to defuse the
event for me.

You can do this too. Simply imagine that you are at the other end
of the room watching the interaction between you and the other
person or people.

It is as if you are a neutral observer with no emotional
involvement in the discussion at hand.

When you do this you will think of ideas to handle the
situation better and you will also feel less bothered by the
stress of the other people.

This is one technique you need to play with first in easy
everyday conversations. Once you get familiar with it you will
find it easy to mentally step outside the event while still
participating with the people in front of you.

Stress or relaxation which do you prefer?

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because
it is available for a limited time only at:

How to Kill Fear When Dealing with Aggressive People

The book Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers is
regarded as a self help classic. Have you read it?

I read it many years ago and I was disappointed by the content
of this book that has helped a lot of people take control of
their fears. Why? Because I believe we all have the power to go
far beyond feeling the fear.

And I really think it is important to learn how to transform fear
into courage by learning how to use more of your mind and how to
take charge of your emotions.

There are two ways to take fear and transform it into a different
emotional state:

- Release the fear by letting go of it.

- Change the way you represent the experience so that it no
longer makes you feel fearful.

Today I want to look at changing how you represent experiences to

1 Pick a person you deal with on a regular basis who you find
intimidating. Get started by choosing someone who causes you to
feel mild fear.

2 Ask yourself -- what does it get me feeling fear around this

Typically you will answer that the fear causes you to be more
alert and careful. However the irony is that when you feel fear
you are less capable of responding well to the challenges of the

Let me give you an example. When I lived the corporate sales life
a number of years ago I had a crazy boss.

He would scream down the phone at me, thump the desk with his
fist in meetings and threaten to fire me if certain goals were
not achieved. I never took this personally because he treated
other people in the same way. Still I did feel fear when dealing
with him.

What did I get by feeling fear?

It meant I was careful to say the right thing and to do my job to
the best of my abilities to ensure he had no reason to have
another go at me.

Nevertheless it was not an ideal situation!

3 If you cannot influence the behavior of the intimidator change
how you feel.

In the case of my boss I matched his behavior to get rapport.
When he shouted at me I raised my voice to speak back. When he
slammed the desk I became more animated in how I talked and I
used my hands more when expressing myself.

This pacing will help. However it is not enough you also need to
change how you feel.

Before you start working with the following approach make sure
you are feeling energetic and resourceful otherwise you could get
dragged back into the fear itself.

Now take a recent encounter with the intimidator and run the
scene in your mind as if you are watching it on TV. Pretend you
are outside the event watching as a bystander.

Next, distort the images until the other person looks absurd.
Dress the person in silly clothes or even no clothes! Change
their voice until it sounds squeaky like a cartoon character.
Slow down their speech until it sounds like a worn out tape. Then
speed up the speech until they sound like a bumble bee.

Play the scene backwards, upside down or with zero gravity. Do
whatever you have to until the scene is ludicrous.

Keep playing with the sounds and images until you are either
laughing or at least smiling when you think of the intimidator.

At this point you have turned fear into a more resourceful
emotional state. Well done!

When you are new to this technique you will need to run through
it several times until you get the hang of it. And for difficult
situations I recommend using it daily to shake off those
unpleasant feelings of fear you have associated to that person.

4 Keep the benefits of the fear and not the fear itself

After step 2 above you know how your fear is serving you.

Let us say the fear gives you alertness, safety and carefulness.

How are you going to behave carefully around the intimidator
without feeling the fear?

You need to write down or run through likely scenarios in your
mind until you are well prepared to handle whatever is thrown at

This step is very important and you are in trouble if you skip it.

In my case I was mentally ready to work elsewhere, I saved up
some money so that if I did get fired it would not be the end of
the world and I was always careful to only promise what I knew I
could deliver.

If I had just changed how I felt without dealing effectively
with the situation I would have been in a very difficult

Your goal ought to be to feel resourceful and to be intelligent
in how you deal with difficult people.

Using these tips will help you. How much this information helps
will depend on how much energy you put into applying this

When I look back on my aggressive boss situation I know that I
could have done even more to handle it better. So like you I am
always learning.

The important thing is to get started and keep heading in the
right direction. And take even one step each day to take you

NB: get help immediately if you are dealing with a violent individual

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because
it is available for a limited time only at:

Four Common Rapport Building Mistakes and How to Fix Them

1 Pretending You Are Interested When You Are Not

Do yourself a favor and be honest with yourself and the people
you spend time with. If you are really not interested in the
topic of conversation say so.

If possible change the subject or simply postpone that
particular conversation until another time.

Obviously if there is a danger of offending the other person you
will have to be less direct. In these situations it helps to find
out right away what the other person wants or expects from you.

The conversation will right away become very relevant to you and
maintaining interest is a lot easier.

2 Disliking The Other Person

If you do not like the person you are talking to it will come
across at some level. Ask yourself -- what could I like about
this person? This will help put you in a better frame of mind.

And look for things you have in common by asking yourself - how
is this person like me?

We all have something in common and commonality builds rapport.
Look for it and you will find it.

If you mechanically attempt to get rapport with people while
secretly disliking them you will never get that deep rapport you
are aiming for. In fact if your focus is on how much you dislike
the person you will not even want rapport and instead you will be
setting yourself up for conflict.

3 Wanting Rapport With Everyone You Meet

I made this mistake when I first learned advanced
communication skills.

All of a sudden, for the first time, I was able to get rapport
with anyone I met. So I did.

And I recommend you do the same to a point. With one exception.
There are some people you do not want to be getting deep rapport

Take someone who is like a raging bull with a deep resentment and
hate for themselves and other people. Do you really want to feel
the same way? If you get deep rapport you will feel some of the
same feelings.

While you may need to be effective around such people keep your
focus on your real goal. Deal effectively with the individual and
maintain your own emotional state regardless of how upset the other
person is.

Pay attention to your emotional state when dealing with negative
people, manipulative people and others who will drain your energy.
With these people rely more on the weakest element of rapport -
words. And manage your body language without following their lead.

4 Not Speaking Their Language

We all have one primary sense whether it be visual, auditory or
feelings based that dominates our perception of the world.

You need to get good at spotting which modality other people use
and match their world to get rapport quickly and easily.

If someone is in a visual mode their words will be dominated by
words that express what they see. For example the car is red with
a white soft top and a huge back seat.

Whereas the auditory person describes the car in a different way:
it sounds like a lion roaring when you start the engine and the
CD player fills the car with deep, rich sounds that dance around
your ears.

Finally the person most attuned to their feelings notices the
smooth soft sensation of the leather seats and the warm firm
feeling when they hold the steering wheel.

If you use the wrong modality for the person you are talking to
it makes it harder for him to understand you. You have to work
harder to get rapport.

And when you speak to several people at once make sure you use
visual, auditory and feeling words to make sure you appeal to

Make a point of paying attention to the dominant modality your
friends and family use. And you may have a breakthrough when you
finally discover why you are not getting deep rapport with some
of them while more easily getting along with other people.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because
it is available for a limited time only at:

How to Quickly and Easily Deal With Rude People

Where I live there seems to be a a growing population of rude and
vulgar people. And no matter how hard I wish for things to change
it is not going to happen. It is up to me to change how I think
and feel about these people. The same applies for you.

1 What does it mean when someone is rude?

Your initial angry reaction may be to think the person is a moron
but that only makes matters worse as it will comes across in the
way you talk.

I prefer to view such behavior as evidence that the person is
doing the best he can with what he has. This belief makes it
easier for you to accept the person even though you may not like
his approach.

Look for the good in people and you are a lot more likely to find

2 Is it your fault?

When you encounter vulgarity it is worth pausing to ask yourself
have you encouraged this behavior. Maybe you played along with
this gutter talk in the past so the person thinks you do not mind

Or perhaps you have done something that has annoyed the person so
much they cannot control their anger and annoyance.

In either of these cases it is best to slowly lead the person
back to a polite discussion. You can do this by asking highly
specific questions that force the person to slow down and think
before replying.

If you honestly did not do anything to encourage the rudeness
you are clearly dealing with someone who habitually talks in this

Unless you can change the person you just have to accept him as
he is.

3 What can you do?

Ultimately you have a choice - avoid dealing with vulgar people
where possible or join them! Only joking!

Seriously though if you cannot avoid them you need to remember
how to take charge of conversations. Plus you need to ensure you
remain strong and unaffected by their manner.

In the meantime you can achieve quite a lot by distinguishing
between the person and the way they deliver their message to you.

Look beyond their words to the real message they are trying to

We all have a bad day now and again maybe you just bumped into
them while they were stuck at a low point.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because
it is available for a limited time only at:

How to Take Control of your Self Confidence

Having confidence is all about believing in yourself and the only
way you can build your belief in what you are capable of is by
taking action in the world and learning through trial and error.

If you think success, happiness and love are going to happen
without learning through mistakes along the way you are mistaken.

Our brains are wired to learn from our own experiences as well as
those of others. Without experience how are you going to learn

Let me give you an example. At my local bank a number of weeks
ago I attempted to make small talk with the cashier and she
completely ignored me.

Last week I was in the bank and tried my small talk routine again,
and again I failed. She ignored me again!

There are a number of ways to view this situation:

1 My communication strategy is not working
2 I need to change my approach
3 I will learn from this experience and become better

A number of years ago I would have given this situation a
different analysis:

1 She is rude and ignorant. She thinks I am a moron
2 I feel crushed by this blatant rejection
3 My confidence depends on this person liking me

Notice the difference. My old outlook sets me up for pain and
frustration and puts the ball in the court of the other person.
My confidence depends on how the other person responds.

My new outlook puts me in control. I created the results I am
getting, I can choose to change my approach and I can decide to
learn and grow from every experience.

A second point worth mentioning is that of wanting something
from someone versus giving.

When you approach dealing with other people as getting something
from them you will always have confidence issues instead view
conversations as giving and you are back in control.

With the bank cashier if I want to get something from her I focus
on wanting her to accept me and this neediness will be picked up
by her. She is unlikely to respond positively to this.

If instead I give what I want then I will decide to accept her.
And she will receive my acceptance and likely reflect it back to

My confidence then is based on giving - something I am in charge
of not someone else.

Now it is time for you to take this information and put it into

Think of a situation where you are typically not as confident as
you would like to be.

If the reason is due to a lack of knowledge or ability then work
on that first. If you do have the necessary skills then decide to
take action and learn step by step from every experience.

Start with a small challenge and gradually step up to bigger ones.

Remember to use this outlook:

1 What is working and what is not working?
2 Change your approach until you get the results you want
3 Decide to learn from every experience

Your confidence is under your control and is not controlled by
someone else!

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because
it is available for a limited time only at:

How to Turn Around A Sinking Conversation - 7 Tips

When a conversation is not working out there is the potential for
massive frustration or a breakthrough depending on how you look at

1 Question your assumptions about the other person

Perhaps the breakdown in communication is based on rumors that
have no basis in reality. You may be unfairly judging the other
person and filtering every word he speaks because of a false
image of who he really is.

Have you ever harshly judged someone and found out later you
were completely in the wrong? Make sure you are not making the
same mistake again.

2 Ask for clarification

Ask the other person to fill in the gaps that are causing you to
lose your grasp on the train of thought.

Asking questions demonstrates your interest in a positive outcome
and is to be encouraged. Never worry about looking stupid for
asking for more information. The smartest people value information
and are always ready to ask for more.

3 Are you really listening?

Check that you are really paying attention and not just
pretending to be. Change your posture, pay close attention to how
the other person is talking and demand more of yourself.

Become more attentive simply by choosing to be.

4 Address the issue directly

Be direct and say aloud that you feel the conversation is not
working out. Often the other person will agree and together the
two of you will be able to work to correct the situation.

Two minds are better than one!

5 Ask for help

If you often have trouble conversing with a particular person get
advice from someone that knows the other person. Very often by
doing this you will get new insights you can act on right away.

And someone who is removed from the situation will have the
objectivity you need to make sense of the chaos you have created.

6 Take a break

Sometimes the timing just is not right. Reschedule the
conversation for a later time when you are better prepared, more
rested or not as distracted by other issues.

Forcing something to work out when the odds are stacked against
you is difficult and often unnecessary. Get back to it later when
you are feeling more capable and you will make better decisions
and with less effort.

7 Aim for good not perfect

Sometimes we hold such high standards for ourselves that we can
never win. If you demand 100 per cent success at all times you are
setting yourself up for constant disappointment. Do your best and
aim to learn and improve from every experience.

Be kinder to yourself and you will be more relaxed in all of your
dealings with other people. And ironically your performance will
improve because you are not being so hard on yourself.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because
it is available for a limited time only at:

What People Are Really Interested In & How to Win Friends

A lot of your people problems and concerns about what other
people think will fade into the background when you understand
one crucial reality.

Most people are interested in you only to the extent they can
get something from you.

I know this sounds harsh. Bear with me a moment while I explain.

Apart from your family and closest friends most other people see
you as either a hindrance or as a means to getting what they want.

If you can help them get what they want they will smile at you,
say you are wonderful and do whatever they can to keep you happy
and available in the future.

On the other hand if you stop being a means to the fulfillment
of their needs these very same people may well shun you, insult
you and have nothing to do with you.

Let me give you an example. You meet someone special and you
date. Things progress and a few weeks later you are both in love
and life has never been better. You are the center of the
universe for that person and whatever you desire is immediately
granted with a smile.

Fast forward three months and the same person is screaming down
the phone at you, saying how useless you are and never to call
again! What happened? How could something so good go so wrong?

In very simple terms you went from satisfying the other persons
emotional needs to not satisfying them. And the extreme change
in how they treat you is because of what I said at the beginning
of this article:

Most people are interested in you only to the extent they can
get something from you.

Whereas in the early days of the relationship you attended to all
of the other persons needs as time passed you grew complacent and
things slipped to the point that key needs went unsatisfied.

At one point you were the answer to this persons prayers but now
you serve no purpose in this persons life hence the anger and

How can you use this insight?

1 Be alert to the unspoken demands the people in you life place
on you. And understand that your relationships depend on the
meeting of these underlying needs.

2 If you want to be free of a relationship that is limiting you
then stop offering the demanded input whether that be advice,
time, acceptance or any other resource or support.

Be ready for fireworks though since your input will often be
taken for granted until you withdraw it.

3 Realize that when you feel self conscious there is no need to
be since most people are preoccupied being self conscious

And as far as they are concerned you are a means to an end. If
John Friend phones you to go to the cinema it is so he will enjoy
your company and to avoid looking silly going there alone.

Of course the same applies to you and I. And it is the mutual
filling of needs that underpins interactions, friendships and
business relationships.

To sum up. We all want something from each other usually we are
looking to fill emotional needs and this is the way the world is.
Once you accept this you can use this understanding to look for
what people want from you and then meet their needs.

If you do this effectively you will never be short of friends and
people keen to spend time with you.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because
it is available for a limited time only at:

How To Deal With People Who Dislike You

When you read books on personal development and articles about
making your life better the emphasis is generally on the positive.

You learn all about deciding what you want and how to get it.
However you also need specific guidelines for dealing with
situations when nothing seems to be working despite your best

One of the hardest things to deal with is the fact that some
people will dislike you no matter how wonderful you are. The
reasons why someone does not like you may be incorrect, unfair
or unjust. Yet they still affect how that person deals with you.

I recommend a three step plan to deal with this challenge:

1 Penetrate The Peer Group

Find the peer group of the person who dislikes you and seek to
make friends with people in this group. Build a positive
reputation with these people one at a time and your public image
will shift in the eyes of the person who you are having trouble

This is like doing your own P.R. campaign directly to the people
who have the most influence over the opinions of the person who
dislikes you. Peer group pressure is a powerful way to change
the perceptions of a group member.

2 Find Reasons To Like The Person

When someone clearly dislikes you what usually happens next? You
start to actively dislike that person in return!

It becomes a feeding frenzy that can spiral out of control very
quickly. The other person sees your negative reaction to them and
responds accordingly. You feel and see how much disdain they have
for you and you respond with more hate. Like a game of tennis the
negative feelings bounce back and forth.

You can break this cycle. How? By deciding to find ways to like
the person. Here are two ways to get started:

1 Make a quick list of things you like or could like about this

Be creative. The more reasons the better.

2 List the ways the person is like you.

This may be an eye opener because we often have very strong
reactions to people who display characteristics we dislike about

The more reasons you come up with the easier it will be for you
to feel positive towards the other person. This change in your
non verbal communication will be noticeable and will help ease
some of the tension in the air.

This is often when the dynamics of the relationship can shift
unexpectedly for the better. Deciding to like the other person
regardless of how they are behaving is the first step to making
this happen.

At the very least you will feel better. And when you feel better
it is a lot easier to find solutions to deal with these tricky

3 Take Baby Steps Towards Greater Rapport

With someone who dislikes you the same rules of rapport still
apply only you need to have more patience.

Aim to make slight gradual progress with the person in question
and over time you can shift the relationship from negative to
neutral and maybe even to positive.

And be kind to yourself if the whole situation still upsets you.
It is perfectly natural to feel uncomfortable when someone
dislikes you. However it is foolish to roll over and play dead.

Take charge of your communication with this person and aim to
improve the situation. The little progress you make will boost
your confidence and help you communicate even better with
everyone else you ever meet.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because
it is available for a limited time only at:

Dealing With Negative People Made Easy

I was playing tennis today with one of my tennis buddies. We
play once a week and we usually chat about work, professional
tennis players and local news.

Today he was very negative about the people of the area we live
in. According to him they are all thieves and crooks.

Now this makes me really angry when I hear him talking like this
since I have had very positive experiences with the people I have
dealt with locally. I find the locals to be very friendly,
helpful and considerate.

So we disagree on the facts. What can I do about his negative
thinking? What can you do when dealing with negative people?

Three Ways To Deal With Negative People

1 Get specific

When someone is caught up in negative thinking they will often
generalize their statements. It is a good idea to ask them
questions to clarify what they mean.

For example if my friend says all dogs are aggressive I will ask

Small dogs or big dogs?
All dogs or certain breeds?
According to who?
In what kind of situations?

By doing this you can shift the perspective of the negative
person from a generalized over reaction to a highly specific
opinion. This will ease some of the negativity and the intensity
of their outburst.

2 Let Go

Let go of wanting to control the opinions of the people you deal
with no matter how negative they are. By all means talk to the
negative person and use your persuasion skills to help give them
a more positive outlook.

However remember that each of us is entitled to be negative,
wrong and inaccurate! Once you accept this you will not get so
stressed about wanting to change people who are negative.

And ironically when you stop trying to change people they can
almost sense that you accept them and so your words have more

3 Choose to Be Positive

When people around us are negative sometimes the easiest thing to
do is to join in. You do not have to. If you want to just go

Otherwise find ways to maintain a positive attitude. Look for the
positives in the situation and point them out to people. Ask
yourself how you can use this opportunity to become better.

And refuse to get dragged down by others into the murky waters of
negativity no matter how bad it gets.

Being positive is a choice even when those around you have
slipped into negativity.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because
it is available for a limited time only at:

The Amazing Secret To Ridding Yourself Of Self Consciousness

One of the biggest challenges to developing superior
communication skills is that you already have your hands full in
those situations where you need help. Take a typical scenario -
meeting new people.

If I give you tips for listening more effectively and you rush
off to practice the tips you may not get very far no matter how
hard you try. Why? Because you are likely to be self conscious
when you need to be other conscious. Standing in front of the new
people you want to meet you freeze and you feel so unsure of
yourself that you cannot remember even one of the listening tips.

You need the ability to switch off self consciousness whenever
you choose to do so. Sounds obvious only how can you do this?
By switching your attention off of yourself and onto the other

When you are feeling self conscious you will tend to pay too
much attention to the thoughts inside your head, how you are
feeling and how you look.

Ironically, to develop great rapport you need to pay close
attention to the other person. How is she feeling? How does she
look today? Is she relaxed or tense?

The Three Elements To Ridding Yourself Of Self Consciousness

1 Turn off the inner dialogue that makes you feel self conscious

One way to do this is to touch the roof of your mouth with your
tongue when you are not talking. We tend to move our tongues when
we engage in inner talk even if only very slightly. When you put
the tip of your tongue to the roof of your mouth you interrupt
the negative inner talk pattern.

Sounds simple. It is! I could write more and more about this tip
but it would not help you as much as just using it. I will leave
it to you to test it for yourself.

2 Give yourself a lot of external stimulation

To keep your focus off of yourself you need to put more and more
attention on the other person. If you only listen to her words
you still have plenty of idle brain power that will drift back to
make your self consciousness grow.

Instead you need to give your conscious mind so much to pay
attention to that you are totally absorbed in the other person.
Become fascinated by how she expresses herself and not just
by what she says.

Keep stacking on more details to simultaneously pay attention to
until you are challenged without feeling overwhelmed.

Here is a list of some elements to focus on:

- rate of breathing
- speech rhythm
- pupil dilation
- changes in skin tone
- speech patterns
- metaphors
- posture and movement
- combinations of the above

The more you pay attention to the other person the less self
conscious you will be because you will have become other
conscious. Which is in fact the hallmark of people who make
friends easily. Your clear interest in the other person will
shine through.

3 Patient Persistence

The final point to remember is that patience and persistence
wins the day. Play with these strategies a little each day and
you will start to exhibit the traits of people who are supposedly
gifted with people skills.

People skills are a matter of strategy. Learn the strategy,
practice it and you too will enjoy the benefits that come to
those who get along well with whoever they meet.

At the same time you need to earn the riches that await you.
Many know what to do but few do what they know.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because
it is available for a limited time only at:

7 Simple Tips For Cultivating Tons Of Confidence

1 Spend time each day with confident people.

Their energy and inner strength is so inspiring that you will
find yourself feeling more empowered just by listening to them

And you can get tips from them. All you need to do is ask! Even
one good idea could point you in a whole new direction you would
not have otherwise considered.

2 Find a mentor.

Nearly all successful people have a mentor. You too need someone
who has already done what you are working to achieve who is
willing to advise you.

This person will help you to succeed even more quickly than you
can imagine. Remember, two minds are better than one.

When you have someone who believes in you and you have a plan you
believe in -- your confidence will soar.

3 Understand that confidence is only a feeling.

Have you ever felt confident? If you have ever felt confident
in any situation then you can feel confident again in the future.

How? By re-accessing that confident feeling. This is something
that is worth doing every day. Spend 15 minutes a day reliving
occasions in your life when you felt confident. Imagine it all
in rich detail and pay very close attention to the feelings of

After only a few days, feeling confident will become a good habit.

4 List your reasons to be confident

Becoming aware of why you can be confident will help you get back
on track. Make a list of at least 50 reasons why you can be
confident today. Include previous successes, your skills and
qualities, your support network and your goals. Put down
everything that pops into your mind.

After you have done this you will have tapped into the power of
consistency. You will be under pressure to be consistent with
your own logic that stated you can be confident.

5 Make a public declaration

Tell someone whose opinion you value that you will be confident
at a particular event. Your desire to impress this person will
cause you to do all that you can to be at your very best.

And when you demand more of yourself you will be amazed at what
you can do. You will start finding solutions to problems that
left you stuck and you will seek advice from people who can help

6 Preparation makes perfect

Have you ever watched a top sportsperson in action and wondered
to yourself at how easy she makes it look? Or listened to your
favorite music CD and felt inspired by the talent of the singer?

Think. How did these superstars get to the top? Practice,
practice and more practice. I read an article about Pavarotti,
the opera singer, and he said he practices daily and he still
learns something new about his voice each day!

When you spend more time honing your skills your confidence will
soar because you will know with certainty that you can and will
perform when the curtain goes up.

7 Self comparison is key

Compare your progress in life with your previous results. Look
to the success of others to learn and not to measure your own

When you put your focus on the daily improvement of your own
skills and abilities you can and will grow very quickly. And your
confidence will surge.

Confidence without competence is a dangerous combination.

Make it easy for yourself and only engage in Self comparison when
you are assessing your progress. By doing this you will make it
easier to keep at it when the going gets tough and your
competence will grow day by day.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because
it is available for a limited time only at:

The Amazing Success Secret Anyone Can Start Using Today

The way we live today more and more emphasis seems to be placed
on career success, material gain and achievement. And in an
increasingly complex world sometimes it seems like technology and
rigid processes have become more important than the people they
were set up to serve.

However there is one success secret that costs nothing. And we can
all use it today to get ahead more quickly. I am talking about
cultivating exceptional people skills in a way that puts you
ahead of the crowd, in a way that respects and honors the people
you deal with in your life.

Ironically when we neglect people skills the complex business and
social infrastructure of our world can fall over in a moment. What
do I mean?

Have you ever walked into the store of a major nationwide retailer
and walked through the multimillion dollar premises only to find
nobody to serve you?

Have you ever phoned your bank and got a busy signal or even worse
got cut off despite their huge customer service focused
advertising campaigns.

How about in your workplace? Have you ever done a fantastic
job, stayed late to get it done and felt taken for granted? The
corporate slogan about caring for the welfare of the staff rings
hollow after this happens more than once.

On the other hand if you learn from the most successful
individuals and companies you will find one trait in common --
excellent people skills.

Here are three ways to become more successful by developing your
people skills:

1 Learn from people who manage to remain cheerful in the face of
massive challenges and stress.

A good friend of mine was on the verge of losing his business last
year but you would never have guessed it. He was always smiling
and confident things would get better. He somehow managed to still
treat his staff well even when he was worried about running out of

By listening to him and watching him cope with extreme financial
pressure I learned a lot. His belief that everything would work
out kept him smiling even while facing some very dark hours.

You too need to become better under pressure. Anyone can cope well
when things are going well. It is only when you shine under
pressure that you prove to yourself and the world that you are
destined for better things.

2 Exceptional people skills happen at the margin.

To go from average to good and from good to excellent is possible
in a short time when you make incremental improvements each day.

You do not need to change your personality or go on a two week
course. Simply focus on listening skills, on non verbal
communication and on building confidence.

Read some good books, get advice from experts and apply what you
learn. By making only very slight improvements where it matters
most you will quickly develop exceptional people skills.

The very best performers in sport and in business are only
marginally better than their closest competitors and these slight
margins make all the difference between winning and losing.

Aim to make marginal improvements in your ability to communicate
with confidence and your results will improve dramatically. Now
would be a great time to get started!

3 Say what you mean and mean what you say

Mark Twain famously commented that common sense is not that common
and today sincerity and honesty are far from common either.

You can stand out from the crowd by making a point of saying what
you mean instead of saying what you think people want to hear.
Insincerity is a game you can never win as you are always living
in fear of getting caught out.

If you follow through on what you say people will respect you for
your integrity and you will be known and appreciated as someone
who can be counted on.

Be unusual -- hold yourself to a high standard of integrity and
commit to saying what you mean and doing what you say you will.

When you live like this each day other people develop confidence
in you and in what you say. And success in the world gets a whole
lot easier with a team of people who believe in you paving the
road ahead.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because
it is available for a limited time only at:

How to Talk to Yourself When Nobody is Listening

Do you ever pay attention to the thoughts inside your mind? And
more importantly do you ever notice the way in which you talk to

We all pay a lot of attention to the way we communicate with the
outside world but we often neglect to improve the way we
communicate with ourselves.

When it comes to motivating yourself to be a better person, to do
better at work or to create a happier family life you need to
understand the importance of taking control of your self talk.

Here are three tips you can use right away to motivate yourself:

1 Talk to yourself the way you talk to someone you love

Be honest! Is it true you sometimes insult yourself, curse
yourself and say horrible things about your abilities?

If you spoke like this regularly to someone you care about they
would leave and never talk to you again. There is no excuse
for treating yourself so badly.

Talk to yourself the way you would talk to someone you deeply
love. Be respectful, patient and understanding. Be slow to anger,
quick to praise and grateful for the opportunity to listen.

Be on your best behavior when you talk to yourself and you will
find that you treat other people better as well. This in turn
will cause people to respond more positively to whatever you say.
These very people will be more inclined to help you get what you

In an indirect way your communication with the outside world
will improve.

2 Pump up the volume

Very often we go through our day with an internal dialogue
buzzing away in the background. We mutter to ourselves about what
we need to do without feeling particularly inspired to do
anything other than what we have to do.

This is not an effective strategy for self motivation!

What you need to do instead is to turn up the volume, inject some
passion into your words and talk to yourself with enthusiasm. You
would not have much luck motivating someone else to take action
without putting some energy into your words. You need to do the
same to motivate yourself.

The next time you want to motivate yourself to do something talk
to yourself the same way you would if someone was standing
before you waiting to be inspired.

Speak loudly with passion and excitement either aloud or to
yourself inside your head. The more energy you put into it the
easier it will be to light the fire inside you that sparks you
into action.

3 Know how to feel good when you are having a tough day

No matter how focused, positive and hard working you are there
will still be days when nothing seems to go your way. It is on
days like this that you must take charge of your brain and take
control of your self talk.

You need a back catalogue of memories you can replay to make
yourself feel good. Music does it for me. I have so many songs I
love to hear that I just pick one out and listen to it in my mind.

In a moment I can listen to sounds that make me feel fantastic
simply by choosing to. For best results imagine you have a volume
control with bass and treble. Make the music sound rich, loud and

A friend of mine has such a great memory that he will listen to
an entire CD in his mind. How about that for a quick and easy way
to feel good whenever you are having a tough day?

One final way to use this tip. Replay happy memories of people
telling you how much they value and appreciate you. Hear them
saying what a difference you are making and soak up those
wonderful feelings of appreciation.

It really is your choice as to how you run your brain. Choose to
feel great and your communication with yourself and the outside
world will become remarkable. Your motivation will soar and
getting more done each day will just get easier and easier with
eager people lining up to help you.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because
it is available for a limited time only at:

4 Quick, Easy Ways to Say No to People Who Take You for Granted

No matter how wonderful you are sometimes other people will try
to take advantage of your good nature. They will push you, get
you to do more than your fair share and keep asking you to do
even more.

And worst of all -- often your efforts will be taken for granted.
Unless you can say No, the situation will not change in fact it
may get even more difficult.

That is unless you can say No to these unreasonable people
because very often to win respect from people you have to
sometimes say No.

Here are 4 great ways to stand up for yourself and say No:

1 Soften the No

Instead of shouting No at the person and creating an
uncomfortable encounter you can instead soften the No by
postponing your help.

For example --

- No, I am busy right now but I can help you in 40 minutes time
- No, I have other things to do at the moment
- Right now I do not have a free moment maybe later on
- I would love to help but not at this minute, try John

What you are doing is softening the No by saying not now rather
than an outright No. This is a lot easier to do especially when
dealing with people who intimidate you.

2 Negotiate

To deal with people who want your help but are slow to help you
-- negotiate! When they want something from you, you have the
power - use it!

Say you are happy to help on one condition -- that they help you
immediately when you seek their help. They will usually agree
because they have to! If they say No, again as above, postpone
helping them if you can.

There are some people who view the world in terms of what is in
it for them and the concerns of others are of secondary
importance. With these people you are wasting your time talking
about your needs.

For that reason you have to link your needs to their gains by
negotiating - tell them they will get what they want IF you get
what you want.

3 Say No When You Do Not Care About the Outcome

When you are flexing this new found ability to say No for the
first time use every opportunity to get some practice e.g.

- In a restaurant, say no to the first table you are offered
- at home say No to coffee when everyone else says Yes, have tea
- In a store say yes to an offer of help but No to the product

What I mean is to say No when you are dealing with people whose
approval is not that important to you. You will quickly learn
through experience that it is not the end of the world if you
say no and the other person is not pleased with you.

4 Say No to the Big Request and Yes to a Smaller One

Sometimes you are going to be asked to do more than your fair
share. If you cannot avoid the job you may need to consider
doing part of it.

A good way to handle these requests is to offer to do part
of the job but not all of it. For example:

- I will clean 2 rooms if you do the other 3 rooms
- I can do 5 pages of the report as long as you give me the data
- If you start the project I will finish it

By standing up for yourself on small points you will gradually
assert yourself more often on the big issues. The main thing is
to get started today on winning back control of your interactions
with anyone who pushes you too far.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because
it is available for a limited time only at:

Feeling Self-Conscious? 6 Tips to Turn it Around Fast!

When you feel self-conscious it means you are putting too much
attention on your self, too much focus on what you are doing and
how you are doing it. And this is a formula for poor performance.

The secret then to dealing with this problem is to become other

If all you do is shift your focus from self to others you will
communicate better, perform better and become a far better

Another positive consequence is that other people will enjoy
spending time with you because it is so obvious you give them
your complete attention.

Your goal is to become so fascinated by other people that your
focus is on what they say, how they say it and why they say it.

6 Tips for Becoming Other Conscious:

1 Pay attention to the way people breathe, watch closely and
observe the relationship between breathing and speaking.

2 Listen not just to what people say but the way they say it. Pay
very close attention to speech patterns, changes in tempo,
volume and tone.

3 Ask thoughtful questions to understand the way others think.
Really strive to grasp why others think what they think.

4 Whenever your focus shifts back to the way you are behaving ask
yourself questions about the other person so you need to pay
attention to him e.g.

- What does he really mean by that?

- How does he manage to be so boring?

- How does she keep people so entranced with her words?

5 Use your imagination to change your mood and to keep your mind
too occupied to be self-conscious.

You could for example imagine that the people you are talking to
are wearing no clothes or inappropriate clothes. Why not have
some fun, feel good and still enjoy a good conversation?

You owe it to yourself to find as many ways as possible to feel
good. As I have said before excellent communication skills are
more dependant on your mental and emotional states than on clever
language patterns.

6 Use affirmations to condition a new belief about your ability
to be relaxed and other conscious. For example:

- I am fascinated by the way people talk
- I give my complete attention to whoever I talk to
- I am an excellent conversationalist
- I feel fantastic when I meet new people

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because
it is available for a limited time only at:

Monday, August 23, 2004

How To Have Confidence With People In The Day Ahead


What is the worst thing you can do when you start your day?


Wake up feeling lethargic and expect yourself to perform at
100% from the moment you get up in the morning; and then
compare how you are doing during the day against this
unrealistic benchmark.

There is a better way!

As you wake up in the morning take charge of your thoughts in
that early morning awareness before you fully awake.

Do this before you get up out of bed by repeating some
affirmations. Affirmations work very well WHEN you say them with
strong feelings in a state of deep relaxation.

If you have heard about affirmations before and never got the
maximum benefit from them it is because you did not know how to
take a very ordinary approach and supercharge it.

Supercharging affirmations depends on four factors:

- Phrasing affirmations in the right way
- Choosing ones that are right for you
- Saying them while in a state of deep relaxation
- Speaking them with strong feeling

At the end of this message I will tell you how to get fr*e tips
from an expert that will explain the nuts and bolts of

But for now...

When you use affirmations correctly their impact will last for at
least a few hours - long enough to get you started on the day

Pay close attention now because I am going to reveal details of
some of my personal and very private habits...

I use the following affirmations to help me get up in a positive
state of mind:

- Positive thoughts bring me the benefits I desire

- Negative thoughts have no influence over me

- Everyday and in everyway I am getting better and better

To start the day with confidence...

- I am confident and charming with the people I meet

- I radiate confidence and relaxation

- I start great conversations easily and effortlessly

- I approve of myself and feel great about myself

- I have sky-high self-esteem

You can do the same.

Remember to say these affirmations with feeling and do so quietly
inside your head while in that relaxed awakening state.

Unless I use this ritual each morning I tend to feel negative
about the day ahead. The difference from feeling negative to
feeling positive is huge for the sake of those few minutes in the

You can also go one step further and imagine the day ahead
working out well. See yourself doing your best and easily dealing
with challenges. Imagine yourself feeling confident and behaving
in that way no matter who you deal with.

Imagine you will have a great day in this way and you are
directing your unconscious to make it happen in the language it
understands best - feelings and images.

Forget about will power.

Will power is a waste of time because it´s like talking to the
most powerful part of your mind in a language it does not

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because
it is available for a limited time only at:

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

How to Deal with Discouragement and Develop Exceptional People Skills

Ever feel like giving up? Do you ever feel so discouraged that
even one more day of frustration will be too much to handle?

Everyone gets discouraged at times however there are a number of
key differences between people who keep on going and those who
give up:

1 Focus On Your Goal Not On Your Problems

One of my mentors is a highly successful property developer
and he loves solving problems. All day long he can take on one
problem after the next and just keep going.

How does he do this when most people would feel overwhelmed?

He understands the importance of focus. He never loses sight
of his goals and his goals so excite him that problems are
nothing more than stepping stones to the achievement of his

If you are feeling discouraged it is very likely because your
focus is on what has not worked; your setbacks and your fears.

Discipline your mind to focus on your goals and discouragement
will fade into the distance.

Expect to learn by trying new things and to find out what works
by making mistakes. Then keep adjusting your approach until you
get the results you want.

I went from being shy with people to developing confidence and
charm by trying new approaches day after day until I found what
worked for me.

It is only because I knew what my goal was that I was able to
deal with the frustrations and discouragement along the way.

2 Ask For Help

You do not have to deal with everything alone. Ask for help
from someone who is qualified to help you and act on their
good advice.

Two minds are better than one especially when your mind is
full of discouragement.

And, you will feel stronger knowing that someone else is
backing you, keen to see you succeed.

When you think about it.

The only thing stopping your from getting from where you are
to where you want to be is -- learning! Learning an effective

If you do not know the answer why waste time guessing when you
can open your mouth and ask?

For example, say there is a person in your community you just
cannot get along with. Find some people who have a good rapport
with that difficult person and get their input.

You may have got the wrong end of the stick for some reason and
as a result you cannot get anywhere with that person. Whereas
with the right outlook you may have no problem getting rapport.

You may never know what to do unless you ask!

3 Learn How Your Mind Works

Once you take charge of your thoughts and your emotions you
will be able to deal with whatever challenges come your way.
Until that happens you will always be at the mercy of the ups and
downs of life.

The most valuable gift you can give yourself is the ability to
master your emotional state.

The moment I finally understood how to do this was the day my
life changed forever. I discovered how to effectively deal with
any challenge without becoming overwhelmed.

Until you learn how to run your brain it really is like having
a super computer without a user manual. The power to persist when
you get frustrated will never be available to you until you
commit to learning how to manage your thoughts and feelings.

Feelings of frustration, discouragement and overwhelm are not
random occurrences. It all comes down to how you use your

Take control of your emotional state and life becomes a lot

And when you are in a great emotional state it is hard to lack
confidence, it is hard to feel nervous meeting new people and it
becomes very easy to enjoy expressing your opinions.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence.

Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at:

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

How to Tune In Your Brain & Feel Confident with People in Moments

One day when I was in school, many years ago, the school
principal wandered into our class room, sat down and started
to talk.

He talked and talked; and there was nothing we could do to stop
him seeing as how he was in charge!

For once he actually said something that interested me and I
never forgot what he said. Not because he was so original but
because he was the first person I heard saying it.

That day he spoke about the untapped potential of the human
mind and how we are all capable of so much more than we

And how once you learn how to use more of this vast
intelligence you can become much more successful.

This distinction has a special significance when it comes to
confidence. Because on those days when you are not feeling
confident dealing with people the solution to your problems
may seem elusive. Even though you are capable of handling the
situations you find yourself in.

If you could approach each day with an attitude of demanding
more from yourself than anyone else ever would - you would be
shocked at what you can achieve. You would be using more of
your potential and making great progress.

Silly tasks you have to perform then become stepping stones to
something far grander and problems become opportunities for
you to grow and impress not only yourself but everyone else

The challenge for you right now comes down to getting started.

Once your engine is running the momentum will keep you going
but what do you do if you feel stuck and unable to begin?

You need to learn how to run your brain!

All of that vast potential is not being used because you do not
know how to activate it. When you discover how easy it is to
become confident with people you will be amazed that something
that once seemed so complicated can actually be so simple.

Here is something you can do right now to experience how your
mind works.

Think of something you feel confident doing - maybe something
you are good at. It does not matter what the activity is. What
does matter is that you feel confident when you are doing it.

Now pick a second experience. Something that involves dealing
with people. And make sure it is a situation where you have the
capability to handle it only your confidence is low.

Now compare how you represent these two experiences in your
mind in terms of pictures, sounds and feelings.

Take the second experience and change the way you
think about it by giving the picture, sound and feeling the
same qualities as the first experience. i.e. picture size
and color, sound volume and pitch, intensity of feelings.

Imagine you are tuning in the pictures, sounds and feelings
in the same way you would tune in a TV

This is difficult to do the first time you try it but it gets
easier with practice.

Why does this process work?

Because the way you represent experiences in your mind
determines how you feel. Its like when you watch a scary movie
and you heart is pounding even though you are not in danger.

Certain images, certain sounds and a certain atmosphere all
combine to change how you feel. However if you changed one key
element you would no longer feel scared.

For example if the sound changed to become a high pitched cartoon
like voice you might even smile and laugh.

In the context of feeling confident -- when you start to
discover how you make yourself feel confident by the way you tune
your brain you are on the right track to feeling confident
whenever you choose.

When you learn more about peak performance you will be able
to do this in a matter of minutes. And go from feeling afraid
to feeling energized and confident in moments.

This time spend learning how to run your brain will transform
the quality of your life even more quickly than you can

Enjoy rewiring your brain!

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence.

Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at:

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

Why Pacing and Leading is for Wimps!

Okay, you have read some books on body language and they
all said you must mirror and match, pace and lead....

And you failed miserably when you went out into the real

Let me tell you why and what you need to do instead. But
first a story that illustrates my point...

A few years ago I moved into a very well paid position in
the company where I worked. And in my new job I was dealing
with company directors, business owners and senior
executives -- face to face.

And to make it all even more challenging I would meet them
on their territory - in their offices.

Teachers of pacing and leading would tell me to pace these
executives and then to gradually lead them.

However this is the 21st century where everything happens
at warp speed. You need to take charge of social
interactions within the first 5 seconds or its all over.

First impressions do count.

This applies in business and in your social life. If you
hesitate, wait and even... pace and lead the game will be
over before you know what has happened.

Here is what you need to do:

1 Take Great Care of Yourself.

Get enough sleep, eat well and take exercise that makes you
feel good on a regular basis.

Neglect your body and your emotional state will slide too.

And before you know it you will not have the energy to rise
to the occasion.

Having tons of energy is absolutely crucial if you want to
excel. When you feel fantastic it gets easier and easier to
be at your very best whenever you choose to be.

2 Lead and then Pace!

Instead of pacing and leading do this...

Get yourself into a great emotional state FIRST. The other
person will then follow your lead.

The more energetic you are, the happier you are and the
more confident you are --- the easier it is to lead the
other person.

You can lead in many ways including....

- being abundantly happy

- smiling and genuinely caring about the other person

- exuding enthusiasm and excitement

If as you read this you think - hang on, what has this got
to do with communication?

It has everything to do with it.

93% of communication is non-verbal. Remember that.

That is why I place so much emphasis on mental and emotional
states - if you don´t grasp this, knowing what to say will
not matter because you will be gripped by fear, indecision
and insecurity.

3 Take the Discussion Where You Want it to Go

Many people are far too passive when it comes to making
polite conversation.


Because you have unconscious rules that dictate what is
acceptable. You may even have old patterns running in your
mind that are no longer appropriate e.g. only speak when
spoken to; don´t talk to strangers.

I hereby give you permission to break these rules!

The way to get started with being more adventurous is as

First of all, notice that you have a habit of letting other
people dictate the flow of conversation.

Then, in a small way start being more proactive and suggest
new topics of conversation or new directions to go in.

At this point do not concern yourself with whether or not
the person you are talking to follows your lead.

Just get comfortable with making suggestions.

If you are already living these principles you are having
great success in all your dealings with other people.

If you are not -- you have room to get even better.


I was really not much good at dealing with people
until I committed to mastering this crucial life skill.

You can get better and you will when you aim to improve
even a little each and every day AND you apply proven techniques.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence.

Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at:

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

3 Keys to Making Small Talk Easy to Do

Small talk used to be really hard work for me. I never knew
what to say and I always worried about saying the wrong

Then something awful happened to me....

I had to take a job dealing with the public. My worst fears
came true and I had to make small talk with a whole range
of people each and every day.

I found it difficult, tedious and nerve wracking.

Eventually after a lot of trial and error I got the hang of
it. And today I find it easy to do and even enjoyable.

You can do the same when you learn a few key distinctions:

1. Understand that the purpose of small talk is not to
exchange information.

It is a game you play to find things you have in common with the
other person.

Decide to be intensely curious about the other person and
go fishing for what you have in common. When you are
genuinely interested in other people they will respond
positively to your questions and to the way you listen to
what they have to say.

When you take the pressure off yourself to be a great
conversationalist and become a detective searching for
commonality the conversation tends to take care of itself.


Because people like people that are like them.

The more commonality you discover, the more the other
person will like you and feel as if they have known you
for some time.

This in turn causes the conversation to flow.

2. Give first to encourage sharing.

If all you do is ask questions the other person will feel
as if they are being interrogated.

That is not the idea!

Be prepared to reveal something about yourself first
without getting too personal.

By sharing first you are leading the way and cause the
other person to feel obligated to return the favor.

Sharing and receiving in this way allows you to take charge
of any conversation and to easily lead it where you want to

3. Aim to control the conversation.

If you can lead a conversation you can control it. You now
know how to lead any conversation - give first and watch
the other person respond.

Most people will follow your lead right away. If the person
does not just move on to someone else.

Never shoot for 100% with people as its not a realistic
goal. Life does not work like that.

And remember...

The key to success with these distinctions is to use them, play
with them and then adjust them to suit you.

For the sake of 10-15 minutes a day, every day, you can
progressively get better and better at making conversation.

Its not rocket science. Its just a matter of strategy -
knowing it and using it.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence.

Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: