Thursday, January 27, 2005

3 Tips to Overcome Shyness

3 Tips to Overcome Shyness by Peter Murphy

You can overcome shyness with these three simple steps. Every year, people the world over decide to pick characteristics about themselves to improve before
the next year begins.

These resolutions, from losing weight to getting that fabulous job you’ve always wanted, can afford a sense of purpose or inspiration for healthy life choices.

There are some, however, who choose a very difficult task for themselves: the task of overcoming shyness.

Shyness is the term given to feelings of anxiety or discomfort in social settings, and to the inability of a person to engage or interact fully with others. Shyness comes in various degrees and with different symptoms.

If you have vowed to be less shy here are some important tips to encourage your success!

#1. Be your own best friend.

Mental Health professionals tell us that any behavioral change requires support. Because the nature of a shy person is not to seek out or elicit attention from others, they often feel they have to fight their battle alone.

In the absence of a caring support group, you can nurture yourself with positive affirmations repeated daily. Be honest with yourself about all of the good qualities you have. A familiar adage says “you cannot love another until you love yourself”.

Positive interactions with others are more natural if you know how to have a positive interaction with yourself first.

#2. Leave comparisons behind.

A shy person tends never to be very conceited. On the other hand, a shy person also does not always have a firm grasp on self-esteem.

Excuses for not talking such as “I didn’t have anything important to say” or “Other people knew more than me and I did not want to seem silly” are self-defeating.

When you look at other people, you see only the good side they allow everyone to see. People do not tend to wear their hurt or worry on their sleeves, but that does not mean they do not exist.

As you are working to overcome shyness, try to remember that everyone is human. The life of the party is no more or less a person than the quietest guest. This even playing field affords respect for all comments and participants – even your own.

#3. Practice makes better.

There is no cure for shyness. At one point in your life, shyness may have benefited you because of circumstances you were dealing with at the time.

However, as you have made the decision to break free from shyness, it is important to look for little ways to practice being your more outgoing self. Talk with friends about new topics.

Introduce your own topic. You can begin to test your comfort zone with people you trust, talking to people you are less acquainted with as your confidence grows.

Sharing small bits of information about yourself at a time allows others to learn more about you, and reinforces that others can and will be interested in you.

As you talk with new people, you will learn new things about yourself that can only make thinking of things to say easier in the future.

As with any resolution, overcoming shyness will take a lot of time and dedication. There may be times when you feel more vulnerable than you would prefer, but these moments might offer you a chance to bond with another facing a similar challenge.

A positive attitude and patience with yourself will make all the difference in overcoming shyness as you emerge from your shell and into the company of people who are excited to get to know you.

For more free tips to help you overcome shyness click here now:


hanna said...

i just love people who are confident. I'm so shy and even though people are running after me, I really can't say any thing. i just smile and keep shut good. My mind goes blank.It's so stupid. I hope to overcome it.

Anonymous said...

Yes, its true to be confident is cool, I found out that people are not agressive as I thought before. And its important not to scare of a people, Its cool that I am not alone with this.

Anonymous said...

When I enter a room with full of people of friends and family.

These people who I call friends is mostly friends that I've met through my childhood friend.
So, I trend to lable anyone I meet I am your friend. but truefully I really dont know who they are, when they do go speak to me, like hanna said My mind goes blank.
It like If I was in a dream or watching boring show. I am confused with want is going on I heard the speak. But doesn't click that they are actually talking to me, like the coldplay song talk.
I heard you speaking but it like if your talking to me in a different language that I don't know. I don't know how or want to say to enter a conversation when I do start a convo. My heart races
clueless, and feel stupid thinking what do they think of me did say something wrong now there not going like me. I hate this about me if you please kindly give your suggestion to me. jme8410 add me and say with want you think?

Roger S said...

JME8410, it sounds like your problem with knowing what to say stems from your shyness. And I'm just guessign here, but I'll bet you've been like this as long as you can remember. Did you ever put your hand up in school, even when you knew the answer. Even if you were the only person in the class that did.
Again, I'm guessing, but can you remember a time when someone influential said to you something like 'Children should be seen and not heard' or maybe severely punished you or someone you know for being a little lively? Or maybe you one day talked to a stranger, and got scared, or shouted at.
Whatever it was that happened, it sounds like maybe something in your past caused this shyness, and led you to tune out the way you describe, so you wouldn't get hurt. What happened was that your subconscious mind learned that speaking in company led to pain, so it made you freeze up, just the same way as people freeze up when they see spiders.
These behaviours serve us when we are children, because they keep us away from pain, but the problem is that our subconscious minds don't always realise we've grown up, and continue to protect us from dangers that don't exist any more.
Your first step is to accept that maybe the above is true. Or something like it. It doesn't resally matter, because the past is the past, and while it can't be changed, it can be dealt with. And you do that by telling yourself that, actually, you're not a child any more. (Maybe a quick peek in the mirror will confirm this!)
And then tell yourself that feeling like this is like trying to wear child-sized shoes. It doesn't fit you any more. You need something more grown up.
Then tell yourself you're going to deal with this in small steps. The first is that, next time there's a party, you target someone you feel totally comfortable talking to normally, and appraoch them and ask a small question about their life recently that you know they did. something like 'Hey, how was the movie/ your vacation / your trip to the shops?'
Then, when you're done this, mentally pat yourelf on the back. After all, no major disasters happened.
Next party, your target is to talk to two different people like that.
Next party is to talk to two people you're comfortable with, and one person you know less well. Listen to their answer as it it were the lottery numbers for next week's lotter, and repeat an interesting part back to them, with a small 'why?' like this -- 'your vacation was a disaster? Why? What happened?'.
The trick here is just to get you used to zoning in. It's one of teh more important conversation skills. No one says you have to be actually interested in the answers at this point -- though obviously, that would help!