Monday, September 06, 2004

How To Stop Worrying About What Other People Think Of You

Do you ever find you know what to say but still you can´t
get the words out?

Or maybe you sometimes find yourself waiting for the
perfect moment before joining the conversation.

What is stopping you?

Most of the time you stop yourself from participating by
getting overly concerned about what other people think of

In other words you want them to like you and to approve of
what you say. You crave approval.

Here are three great ways to win approval:

1. Know what you are talking about

Thoroughly research your topic so that you can discuss any
aspect of it with the people you are meeting.

when you know the subject matter inside out you will quite
rightly have much more confidence in yourself.

As a result you will speak with confidence and authority
and people will respond to you with respect.

The lack of adequate preparation is a big reason for not
feeling comfortable enough to contribute to a conversation.

If you already know you could look foolish it makes sense
not to say anything at all. Turn this around by becoming an
expert on your topic.

The same applies to small talk - stay informed by reading
the news and keeping up to date with what is happening
locally and nationally. You´ll soon have more than enough
material to start and keep a conversation going.

2. Don´t expect to get approval

The irony of wanting approval is that the more you want it
the less likely you are to get it. And on the other hand
when you don´t care about being approved of - you are more
likely to get it.

Make a game of it.

When you talk to people act as if you don´t want or need
their approval.

Pretend there is no way to win their approval so there is
no point in even trying to get it.

When you think in this way there is no point in worrying
about being liked so all you can do is put your attention
back on the conversation itself.

Your conversation skills will improve because your complete
attention is back on the conversation and ironically people
will approve of you more.

3. Understand how people decide if they will like you

People do not objectively assess you and what you say
before deciding if they like and approve of you.

We all make emotionally charged decisions about who to like
and why.

You might be liked for any number of reasons...

You might remind someone of an old friend, you might share
a similar life philosophy or you might have the same
fashion sense.

You could be disliked for a number of reasons...

Maybe you hold polar opposite views on politics, you don´t
like dogs and the other person does or perhaps he dislikes
people who are taller than he is.

Do you see the absurdity in all of this?

We are all irrational creatures. And we like or dislike
each other for all sorts of silly reasons.

There is one principle worth remembering though...

People tend to approve of people like themselves.

In practical terms, this means you can and should look for
commonality when you meet people.

Listen out for things you have in common and ask questions
that will reveal commonality. And then point out how the
two of you are similar...

- I am from the south side of the city too

- I like action movies as well

- Same here, I can never stick with a diet plan

- You´re not the only one who hates cabbage

The more you look for commonality the more you will find it.

Find things in common and point them out to the other
person and he or she will warm to you.


Because we tend to like and trust people who are like us.

Now would be a very good time to review the special report
that comes with my book - Conversation Fear and the Three
Ways to Kill it.

That report shows you the most powerful ways to rid
yourself of all the fears that hold you back from
participating in conversations. It goes far beyond what we
have covered here today.

Fear will stop you from being at your best whether it is
the fear of rejection, saying the wrong thing, looking
foolish or getting embarrassed.

Deal with them one at a time and you will transform the
quality of your life and enjoy talking to people in a whole
new way.


Highly Recommended Resources:

1 The Sedona Method

I run a fr*e discussion board where you can learn more about
this powerful self help technology. The Sedona Method teaches
you how to let go of wanting the approval of other people as
well as showing you to improve all of your relationships by
releasing the emotional baggage we tend to hold onto.

You can also request a fr*e introductory tape or learn more at:
2 AffirmWare

AffirmWare is a very clever computer application that you can
use to stay on track to achieve your goals. It is based on
breakthrough understandings of how the mind works and will help
you to make your dreams come true.

I use it and recommend it to you as a simple tool you can use
each day to improve the quality of your life in unexpected ways.

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