Thursday, September 23, 2004

The Secret Way to Beat Shyness

Have you ever found yourself in a social gathering and felt
intimidated? Maybe the whirlwind of negative thoughts in your
head stopped you meeting new people, joining a conversation or
participating fully.

If only you could take charge of your thoughts. You could have
a lot of fun, be yourself and make lots of new friends!

How To Switch Off Negative Thoughts:

1 Use Your Secret Pressure Point

On the roof of your mouth directly behind your two front teeth
there is a fleshy ball at the point where your gums meet the back
of your front teeth.

If you touch this pressure point with the tip of your tongue you
will find that the chatter inside your head eases off

Without realizing it a lot of the time your tongue makes very
slight movements to match the inner talk inside your head. Stop
the tongue from moving and the chatter stops.

Touching the pressure point with your tongue also helps to relax
you which is a useful benefit when you are already feeling
anxious at a social gathering.

2 Interrupt The Pattern

Your mind can only pay attention to one thing at a time. Take
your mind off of negative thoughts by giving your mind something
else to focus on.

I often listen to my favorite music when I want to switch my
attention off of negative thoughts. This can be when I am driving
or when I am in the house.

If I am socializing and I want to interrupt the pattern of
limiting thoughts I will listen to my favorite music only this
time I recall the memory and hear it inside my head.

A friend of mine with a very stressful job has a great way to
start his day. He listen to the James Bond theme tune up loud
while he is shaving. Doing this makes him laugh as well as
energizing him.

Later in the day it is easy for him to recall the tune if he
needs to distract his mind and get off of the negatives.

You can do the same thing.

3 Preparation With Disaster Planning

One other way to take charge of the negative thoughts is to
prepare before the social event by discovering and dealing with
the negative thoughts before they surface.

Make a list of all the things that could embarrass you. Write down
all the things that could go wrong. And then brainstorm awkward
situations you might find yourself in.

Really indulge yourself and let your imagination run riot!

Now! For each hazardous situation write down three ways to deal
effectively with the situation. Take your time at this.

Once you have finished this exercise you will feel more confident
because you will know you can handle whatever happens.

For example, you are afraid to approach someone to initiate a
conversation. Why? Get specific! What could go wrong?

The person might laugh at you, ignore you, walk away and leave
you looking stupid or just insult you.

You get the point. I am exaggerating how bad it could be so as to
cover all possibilities.

How would I handle the situation if the person laughed at me and
then insulted me before walking way? What three options could I

1 Follow the person and laugh at them!

2 Count myself lucky I did not spend any more time with such a
rude person before immediately moving on to someone else.

3 Tell everyone else how rude that person is. That ought to get
their attention and sympathy.

Finally, realise that dealing with people is down to mathematics.
For every 20 people you meet you may bump into a moron. Now that
you have already met the moron it is time to meet the 19 nice
people who would love to meet you!

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report:10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. This report reveals the secret strategies all high achievers use to communicate with charm and impact. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at:

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