Monday, September 06, 2004

Wonderful People Skills - Do you believe you can do it?

Back when I used to find it difficult talking to people I
could never understand why so many others found it so easy.

I would watch gifted communicators talk. I would listen to
the way they spoke and it all seemed so easy. So why did I
feel so awkward when it was my turn to speak?

The reason is simple...

Success is an inside job!

How well you communicate depends on how you think and feel.
You can have the greatest script in the world but still
give a terrible speech if nerves get the better of you.

On the other hand you can exude confidence and charm and
still make a poor first impression if you do not know the
right thing to say.

In each case the key to transforming failure into success
lies within. You need to appreciate how important mental
and emotional conditioning are when it comes to developing
superior people skills.

3 Ways to Guarantee Superior People Skills:

1. Regard conversation skills as another skill you plan to

Making people like you is an acquired skill. You can learn
how to encourage others to listen to you. And making a
great first impression is a matter of knowing how to.

Treat communication skills as a step by step formula to be
uncovered and learned. If even one other person can do it
well then so can you once you learn how.

When you stop giving yourself a hard time for your past
performance and instead commit to learning how to be better
you can improve very quickly.

2. Take charge of your emotional state

The greatest speech can be destroyed by a dull voice tone
and the best joke can lose its humor when it isn´t
delivered properly.

All too often in your desire to do well you freeze and
choose to say nothing in case you make a fool of yourself.

Then people say you are too quite and it starts to seem as
if you can never win. Speak up and sound foolish or stay
quiet and get criticized.

Some choice!

Fear is getting the better of you. Your fear of what might
go wrong can take on a life of its own unless you take
charge of your emotional state.

What is the answer?

The key is to develop the ability to eliminate fear - fear
of rejection, the fear of looking stupid and the fear of
saying the wrong thing.

Now, as you know there are only three ways I recommend for
dealing with fear - powerful and proven ways to take charge
of your emotional state.

(Refer back to the Conversation Fear Report that comes with
my book for more details.)

List the fears that hold you back and put them behind you
one at a time.

3. Allow yourself to make mistakes

One of the biggest errors I see people making is the all or
nothing attitude. i.e. I will give it my best and if I fail
I will never try again!

The challenge with that attitude is that human beings learn
by trial and error. None of us were born with the ability
to walk, talk or drive a car!

We learn all the crucial life skills by observing,
experimenting and correcting our mistakes.

If you demand 100% success and perfection you will be very
disappointed and you will never develop exceptional people

On the other hand when you allow yourself to make mistakes
it takes a lot of the pressure off you.

You will perform a lot better when you allow yourself to be
less than perfect - a work in progress that is always

Mistakes then become evidence of areas for improvement. Get
fascinated by how you achieve both good results and not so
good results.

Notice what is working and do more of it, notice what is
not working and aim to do less of it.

One improvement after another is all it takes. Each little
modification to your approach will take you closer and
closer to a breakthrough.

Have fun getting better!

Peter Murphy
Author of,
How to Communicate with Unstoppable
Confidence in 20 Days or Less

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