Friday, August 27, 2004

How To Deal With People Who Dislike You

When you read books on personal development and articles about
making your life better the emphasis is generally on the positive.

You learn all about deciding what you want and how to get it.
However you also need specific guidelines for dealing with
situations when nothing seems to be working despite your best

One of the hardest things to deal with is the fact that some
people will dislike you no matter how wonderful you are. The
reasons why someone does not like you may be incorrect, unfair
or unjust. Yet they still affect how that person deals with you.

I recommend a three step plan to deal with this challenge:

1 Penetrate The Peer Group

Find the peer group of the person who dislikes you and seek to
make friends with people in this group. Build a positive
reputation with these people one at a time and your public image
will shift in the eyes of the person who you are having trouble

This is like doing your own P.R. campaign directly to the people
who have the most influence over the opinions of the person who
dislikes you. Peer group pressure is a powerful way to change
the perceptions of a group member.

2 Find Reasons To Like The Person

When someone clearly dislikes you what usually happens next? You
start to actively dislike that person in return!

It becomes a feeding frenzy that can spiral out of control very
quickly. The other person sees your negative reaction to them and
responds accordingly. You feel and see how much disdain they have
for you and you respond with more hate. Like a game of tennis the
negative feelings bounce back and forth.

You can break this cycle. How? By deciding to find ways to like
the person. Here are two ways to get started:

1 Make a quick list of things you like or could like about this

Be creative. The more reasons the better.

2 List the ways the person is like you.

This may be an eye opener because we often have very strong
reactions to people who display characteristics we dislike about

The more reasons you come up with the easier it will be for you
to feel positive towards the other person. This change in your
non verbal communication will be noticeable and will help ease
some of the tension in the air.

This is often when the dynamics of the relationship can shift
unexpectedly for the better. Deciding to like the other person
regardless of how they are behaving is the first step to making
this happen.

At the very least you will feel better. And when you feel better
it is a lot easier to find solutions to deal with these tricky

3 Take Baby Steps Towards Greater Rapport

With someone who dislikes you the same rules of rapport still
apply only you need to have more patience.

Aim to make slight gradual progress with the person in question
and over time you can shift the relationship from negative to
neutral and maybe even to positive.

And be kind to yourself if the whole situation still upsets you.
It is perfectly natural to feel uncomfortable when someone
dislikes you. However it is foolish to roll over and play dead.

Take charge of your communication with this person and aim to
improve the situation. The little progress you make will boost
your confidence and help you communicate even better with
everyone else you ever meet.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because
it is available for a limited time only at:

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